the 10th day

still not in e state to blog about my aunt and the whole event. but its so hard to forget it. esp with all my cousins msn names of variations of missing their mom. damn hard. that day when we were on e road, i cant rem what i saw but so many things ard just reminded me of her. bus advertisments. cars. roads. pple. colours. objects. words. sentences.

i still miss her alot. and i just cant let go.


im just glad shes out of her suffering. rip er gu gu. we love u. so much.


and a tear just fell.

i love u.

i miss u so much u know.

...

i think i need to watch an incredibly sad movie or sing a incredibly sad song to get the tears out. and den say something like its cause of the stupid show la. thats why i cant stand it.

thanks sue. for offering to do hw for me. to attend classes for me. and laughing at herself just to make me laugh. prob wont be going for gene cell field trip already. and sis is thinking of flying back. but she cant get tickets. sigh. how. and my stupid cousins are really irritating the shit out of me. wont things just get worse later?

thanks shing for ur words of wisdom. i teared the moment u typed them. u know me so well u know.

and zhuoyan for ur futile(ha) attempt to cheer me up. but u prob really know it aint working. sorry for getting pissed with u.




may this two weeks be good.

pissed.

if u feel like u have nothing to say. dont. just dont say anything. its better den saying something really stupid. ill hate u. i'd wish i never ever told u. so just shut up.


im pissed off with just too many things. but yet too tired to get pissed off.

powerless

its over.

the little bouts of warmth

my aunt was sedated quite heavily so she has been half awake all day. so while we yakked non stop bout my cousin and her results, she din react at all. but just before we left the hospital yesterday. she mouthed her daughter's name. and she walked to her mom's side. and she den mouthed the words "good job" to her while she patted her hand lightly and smiled.

my heart smiled too.

thanks God.

thanks

just a lil update. my aunt has moved to a normal ward already. and hopefully she feels better. shes still on the breathing machine. but she looks much better. and at least now if shes really bored.. she can watch tv. till then, we are still trying to figure out how to spend CNY with her.

thanks everybody. everyone. even the stupid humgu who sounded apologetic when she msned me and shes so far away. haha. but thanks everyone. =)

im fine

my aunt's feeling better already. the op was successful and now at least shes more comfy cause she can at least mouth words. =) and yest she was even doing exercises. im a really happy girl. thanks to all of u all. ur smses. ur words of concern on msn. thanks. esp all the prayers that may have kept her going. =)

and dear friends.. dun worry im really ok. both shing and jon have said,"even if ure not fine, u also wont say." but dun worry.. im really ok friends! =) and ur words of concern are good enuff for me. thanks everyone.

i realize because of this, my life has become really discliplined. like now everyday including my weekends, i go to sch hospital den home. except sometimes with a few dinners in between. but im happy. as in i know even if i decide to go join my friends at something, ill not be properly enjoying myself unless i take a look at her. so im good. esp now when i have time i must visit her. else when my presentations all start coming, even if i wanna come, i also cant. must start spending some time with zhuoyan whos flying off soon thou.

thanks everyone. i thank God for the little things in life. =)