Dear Er gugu,
decided to write u a second letter. just wanted to update u on ur daughters. i dreamt of u yesterday u know. ur sick self. i know its sad but sometimes i cant seem to rem the happy u anymore. but i know u would be in a happy place now.
i got pissed one day when they went to pay respects to u but they din tell me. i want to go n pay my respects to u agian. to talk to u. but i guess this is my way. thou i duno whether u can see it. that day we unpacked out wardrobe and bought like 7 bags of clothes we dun wear anymore. most that i know that yx mx xx and qx might still wear. and we had loads of fun. i wish u were there to laugh with us too.
we just celebrated xx bday that day. and we had lots of fun. the week b4 we went present shoppping for her. and i had fun. when we collated all our presents and put them into the big box and wrote messages on labels that da gugu took back from office. it was really fun. kinda like the bear we did for mx. the one that u did write on. this year u din write for xx. but im sure she knows u would have. we had fun preparing all the food. and the beautiful jelly/cupcake brithday cake. i would love to show u a picture of it when i gettit. it was really really beautiful. how everyone laughed and had fun and shared the sparkling juice. and somoene said why no one yamseng. and i remembered a photo i had of us, including u, raising a toast during xmas.
i miss u still and u are still v much in our minds. take care of everyone ok? esp ur daughters. i love u.
ur niece.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
mmm
lots of thoughts swimming ard in my mind. thoughts worthy of probably a few blog entries. i dun exactly know how to summarize them. but ill try my best.
School
School has been interesting to say the least. started off the week with negotiation, IPR, missed services marketing classes, malay and then advertising. den despite my initial interest in Malay, i disliked the prof quite a fair bit. so i decided to drop it and take personnel. and decided to drop advertising, despite the interesting prof and outline. it would be better to take it next sem. and changed to taking intro to french lit with lynn (i know i know. weird). decided to just throw the remaining 22 bucks into world travel and just try it out. thou the average bid for a mod like this in 1b would prob cost like 40 plus? AND LO BEHOLD, i got all. sigh. like lynnie says, no mods also worry got mods also worry. and i think now ill just stick with nego on mon, ipr and world tourism on tues, services marketing on wed, and personnel on thurs. i like it too. cause i have a 3/4 day week.
enough about academia. boring. im year 4. and the school feels terribly foreign. i rem on the first day of sch as i walked to the library, i saw less than 5 familiar faces. the school is no longer mineeee. its filled and invaded by weird young pple. most who look too good to be in sch. what i mean is they look like they are trying to hard if u get my drift. u can obviously spot the year4s some year 3s. they look good, but never look like they are trying too hard to look good. i remember when i was in the clinic waiting for my turn, i looked out into the crowds milling ard on CCA day. so obviously a large portion were year1s right! most of them were in dresses and heels la. as in i duno it was odd. or maybe im just being too critical for my own good.
schools cool i guess. guess being year 4 kinda settled me. its my last year studying. i have taken to listening in class and doing proper notes, not the minsi-surf-net-all-day-long. i hope it lasts! friends are also flying off one by one, first sue, jon den chloe this sunday. i miss u pple already!
Work
yup im back at work at curry favor. and weird thing is nothing has changed. except for a new faces. everything else is e same. one thing has changed though. the feeling i have for the place. i kinda miss the good old days. where all of us felt somewhat united and felt belonged to the place despite the disgustingly busy hrs and understaffed situation. i remember how if we were short of like $5 to meet sales target, we would take turns to buy like a cake or something just to hit the target. and how habil, cheese, redza and me would hang out. catch a movie. now it feels visibly colder. we all just work. no doubt we stil have fun, joke with each other. but things feel detached. and it doesnt help that a particular person pisses me off constantly wiht his comments. who are u to say that im no longer as good as before? u bloody work in the kitchen. do u even see me one floor working? bitch.
Friends
no doubt i havent had much time for most friends lately. but rest assured, i do still keep all my friends close to me. and to u, if u know who u are, even thou i may not be like always there to accompany u, talk to u, party with u, i understand. i dont agree with what u did, but im glad ure seeking help, and without any consideration, i will be by ur side to listen to u and walk u through this. and u know me, i dont judge. i help. maybe its biasness. i guess that a privilege all my friends will have. unconditional trust.
as for the other friends. PLEASE STILL DO ASK ME OUT. ill squeeze time out for u ok! =)
Simon
Thou we have our differences, squabbles, tiffs. and thou sometimes the world may seem like its crashing down. ill still be beside u. u have my unconditional love and trust.
Family
Recently, ive been having dreams, good and bad. mostly bout family. and usually tragic ones. like just yest i dreamt about my aunt. i think in more then one way i have neglected my family a bit. and i resolve to spend more time at home. like how we built the shoe rack together that day. it was fun. reminiscent of younger us. where we would fool ard. like when we were deciding what shoes and socks to throw away. how we had to hide them away from my mom. or how we squabbled. which reminds me its time to write another letter to my aunt.
Myself
i guess i have somewhat changed. The obvious one would be Simon. how now every single decision i make, he is in my consideration set. and this is esp obvious it hink to me. cause i used to be the independent girl. all decisions i make were just based on what i would like to do. now im growing to be increasingly dependent on him. not a bad thing i guess. someone used to tell me how i shld learn to depend on someone and not carry everything on my shoulders. im learning.
and how i have somewhat decided to make full use of my last year left. recent things have also led me to thinking more bout myself. nothing bad nothing good. just mere thoughts. i have always tot of myself as the smart savvy girl that could have as many things on her plate as possible. but somehow recently, i refuse. jaded? maybe. besides school and family stuff, simon, and occasional friend stuff, i refuse to work my brain too hard. like i just want to rest, relax. do nothing. read stupid books. chick flicks. just mundane brainless stuff. maybe its the fact that i know next year at this time, ill be working my ass off for a really long time. it really struck me because simon has been trying to get me to read this book that he really loves. a self help book on making money. its a good book. but i simply refuse to read it. part rebellion(because he wants me to read it! i know childish!) partly cause i just refuse to be using my brain to think when im reading for leisure. and how they all keep raving bout the motivational video caled the SECRET. its really famous. cause its top seller in Borders too. and blondie was just saying her mom made her waatch it. and its e same. i know its good i know its good. but i think 15 going 16 years of studying has really made me jaded. all theories concepts whatever are merely paragraphs of english. the only attempt to watch it had me falling asleep after the first 4 mins i think. i know i think im too stubborn. but i dun really care.
many ppl seem to think im really competent and good. but frankly i think most of it is just attributed to my reasonably good ppl skills and SMU trained vocal confidence. i am not that zai.
and recently i have grown to be more reticent. like i dun liek to socialize as much. i used to be able to just talk to strangers. not that i cant. just that i prefer to be with myself most of e time now. esp apparent when i meet simons friends. not that they are mean. just that i somehow prefer to listen and immerse myself in other thoughts, other then a few occasional times when im feeling particularly sociable.
i guess im just getting to know myself better.
School
School has been interesting to say the least. started off the week with negotiation, IPR, missed services marketing classes, malay and then advertising. den despite my initial interest in Malay, i disliked the prof quite a fair bit. so i decided to drop it and take personnel. and decided to drop advertising, despite the interesting prof and outline. it would be better to take it next sem. and changed to taking intro to french lit with lynn (i know i know. weird). decided to just throw the remaining 22 bucks into world travel and just try it out. thou the average bid for a mod like this in 1b would prob cost like 40 plus? AND LO BEHOLD, i got all. sigh. like lynnie says, no mods also worry got mods also worry. and i think now ill just stick with nego on mon, ipr and world tourism on tues, services marketing on wed, and personnel on thurs. i like it too. cause i have a 3/4 day week.
enough about academia. boring. im year 4. and the school feels terribly foreign. i rem on the first day of sch as i walked to the library, i saw less than 5 familiar faces. the school is no longer mineeee. its filled and invaded by weird young pple. most who look too good to be in sch. what i mean is they look like they are trying to hard if u get my drift. u can obviously spot the year4s some year 3s. they look good, but never look like they are trying too hard to look good. i remember when i was in the clinic waiting for my turn, i looked out into the crowds milling ard on CCA day. so obviously a large portion were year1s right! most of them were in dresses and heels la. as in i duno it was odd. or maybe im just being too critical for my own good.
schools cool i guess. guess being year 4 kinda settled me. its my last year studying. i have taken to listening in class and doing proper notes, not the minsi-surf-net-all-day-long. i hope it lasts! friends are also flying off one by one, first sue, jon den chloe this sunday. i miss u pple already!
Work
yup im back at work at curry favor. and weird thing is nothing has changed. except for a new faces. everything else is e same. one thing has changed though. the feeling i have for the place. i kinda miss the good old days. where all of us felt somewhat united and felt belonged to the place despite the disgustingly busy hrs and understaffed situation. i remember how if we were short of like $5 to meet sales target, we would take turns to buy like a cake or something just to hit the target. and how habil, cheese, redza and me would hang out. catch a movie. now it feels visibly colder. we all just work. no doubt we stil have fun, joke with each other. but things feel detached. and it doesnt help that a particular person pisses me off constantly wiht his comments. who are u to say that im no longer as good as before? u bloody work in the kitchen. do u even see me one floor working? bitch.
Friends
no doubt i havent had much time for most friends lately. but rest assured, i do still keep all my friends close to me. and to u, if u know who u are, even thou i may not be like always there to accompany u, talk to u, party with u, i understand. i dont agree with what u did, but im glad ure seeking help, and without any consideration, i will be by ur side to listen to u and walk u through this. and u know me, i dont judge. i help. maybe its biasness. i guess that a privilege all my friends will have. unconditional trust.
as for the other friends. PLEASE STILL DO ASK ME OUT. ill squeeze time out for u ok! =)
Simon
Thou we have our differences, squabbles, tiffs. and thou sometimes the world may seem like its crashing down. ill still be beside u. u have my unconditional love and trust.
Family
Recently, ive been having dreams, good and bad. mostly bout family. and usually tragic ones. like just yest i dreamt about my aunt. i think in more then one way i have neglected my family a bit. and i resolve to spend more time at home. like how we built the shoe rack together that day. it was fun. reminiscent of younger us. where we would fool ard. like when we were deciding what shoes and socks to throw away. how we had to hide them away from my mom. or how we squabbled. which reminds me its time to write another letter to my aunt.
Myself
i guess i have somewhat changed. The obvious one would be Simon. how now every single decision i make, he is in my consideration set. and this is esp obvious it hink to me. cause i used to be the independent girl. all decisions i make were just based on what i would like to do. now im growing to be increasingly dependent on him. not a bad thing i guess. someone used to tell me how i shld learn to depend on someone and not carry everything on my shoulders. im learning.
and how i have somewhat decided to make full use of my last year left. recent things have also led me to thinking more bout myself. nothing bad nothing good. just mere thoughts. i have always tot of myself as the smart savvy girl that could have as many things on her plate as possible. but somehow recently, i refuse. jaded? maybe. besides school and family stuff, simon, and occasional friend stuff, i refuse to work my brain too hard. like i just want to rest, relax. do nothing. read stupid books. chick flicks. just mundane brainless stuff. maybe its the fact that i know next year at this time, ill be working my ass off for a really long time. it really struck me because simon has been trying to get me to read this book that he really loves. a self help book on making money. its a good book. but i simply refuse to read it. part rebellion(because he wants me to read it! i know childish!) partly cause i just refuse to be using my brain to think when im reading for leisure. and how they all keep raving bout the motivational video caled the SECRET. its really famous. cause its top seller in Borders too. and blondie was just saying her mom made her waatch it. and its e same. i know its good i know its good. but i think 15 going 16 years of studying has really made me jaded. all theories concepts whatever are merely paragraphs of english. the only attempt to watch it had me falling asleep after the first 4 mins i think. i know i think im too stubborn. but i dun really care.
many ppl seem to think im really competent and good. but frankly i think most of it is just attributed to my reasonably good ppl skills and SMU trained vocal confidence. i am not that zai.
and recently i have grown to be more reticent. like i dun liek to socialize as much. i used to be able to just talk to strangers. not that i cant. just that i prefer to be with myself most of e time now. esp apparent when i meet simons friends. not that they are mean. just that i somehow prefer to listen and immerse myself in other thoughts, other then a few occasional times when im feeling particularly sociable.
i guess im just getting to know myself better.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
bad dream
woke up tearing today cause i had a really bad dream. of having a really bad quarrel with my family and how the whole family kinda broke up. and how everyone misunderstood each other and decided to not care about each other any more. it was a really bad dream. because it was so real. after e quarrel i even left the house to stay outside, mailed money back monthly, and it ended with simon knocking on my family door.
so real.
so real.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
internship
been meaning to blog about the end of my internship. it ended! and it ended with quite a bang. a very surprising one indeed. i did my last two days at this motivational camp with Greenview Secondary. A neighbourhood school. and it was for Normal Tech students somemore. to be honest, i wasnt exactly looking forward to it. but it was inspiring. will blog more! IM FEELING LAZY!
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