Peishy's wedding photos make me v happy.
cause we all look so pretty, handsome and resplendent inside.
all of us.

the joy radiates from each and every smile i see.

tagging them laboriously is very tiring.
but i relish every bit of it.
cause i get to see the photos.
and when i finish taggin them.
they look so complete!

but my heart feels a lil down.
a lil quiet.
a lil sad.
a lil lost.
a lil abandoned.


Dear Heart,
Cheer up ok?

老实情歌

heard this song on tv yesterday.
ah.
so nice.
love should be this simple.



老实情歌
庾澄庆

仿佛又回到过去 音乐又响起
那首古老的舞曲 让我们交换真心 不浪费年轻
听着唱片的杂音 就像共舞在一场雨里

好像爱上你 i'm in love 虽然有一点不确定
好想爱上你 i'm in love 老实的情歌永远都会流行

又梦见从前的你 旋律也响起
那首古老的舞曲 让我们又在一起 感觉好甜蜜
仿佛时间都暂停 停在你说爱我的夜里
好像爱上你 i'm in love 虽然有一点不确定
好想爱上你 i'm in love 老实的情歌永远都会流行
好像爱上你 i'm in love 虽然有一点不确定
好想爱上你 i'm in love 老实的情歌永远都会流行
好像爱上你 i'm in love 虽然有一点不确定
好想爱上你 i'm in love 老实的情歌永远都会流行

今天好多东西做

好想和你一起出去吃个饭
聊聊天

就像朋友

喝个咖啡
或喝个啤酒

就这样
简简单单

好吗

你现在应该睡得很香 很甜

不要再吃安眠药了好吗

你知道吗
我最喜欢看着你睡觉的样子
是多么的宁静
多么的舒服
多么的可爱
每当看着你沉睡的时候
不管有多生你的气都好
看着你沉睡的脸庞
所有的气都会瞬间消失得无影无踪
心里不知为什么就是会有一种莫名平静的感觉
很安静
很舒服
就像世界在这个时刻
为了我们停止旋转

今天我希望
你会过得很好


希望有一天
我们能够一起微笑
踏脚车
也再不会有心痛的感觉

today i took leave.

most of my leave was always reserved for you.
for us.
for anything that may come up.
for anything that i may wanna help u with.

i had originally intended to take leave the tues aft my bday.
so we could go sentosa.
take the luge and ride bicycle.
visit underwater world.

but now no need to save already.


you slept so late last night.
i wonder where you went.
Supper?

Then it hit me.
yea.
maybe she's better for you.
in terms of spending time with you.

you couldnt give me your time.
and frankly.
neither could i.
i squeezed myself dry.
but it still wouldnt be enuff.

she could watch late night movies with you wo falling asleep.
she could eat supper till 7am with you, even on weekdays.
she could help you out throughout the day when you have events and stuff.
she could entertain you throughout the night and not doze off.
she could sleep with you till the next afternoon, and not have to rush off in the mornings.

those are the things i think i never could.


Y said.
the point of breaking up now.
is sad. heartbreaking.
but isnt that the whole point?
Before you get married.
You still have the choice to decide to break up.
so you dont end up divorcing.

so heartbreakingly true.
he might as well could have been saying it to me, about me.


B said.
He's in denial.
I dont know how to break it to him.

The similarities in both situations are too starkly obvious.

There's no better way to break it to him.

Cause eventually he will be broken anyway.

Just Do It.
The only thing you can do is to soften the consequences/impact.

It's very screwed up.
And the recipient suffers the brunt of it all.

But frankly.
How else can you do it.


Rationally.
I have seen the light.
There's no point.
No point holding tightly.
No point if you dont love me anymore.
i will let it go.
i will let you go.

If only my heart will listen to my brain for once.



Conclusion of the Day (From Bra):
Applies to both Men and Women

"A wise girl kisses but doesn’t love
listens but doesn’t believe
and leaves before she is left."

Marilyn Monroe.



Lets all stop being nice people.
and just be wise.
Haven't you heard?
Nice people always finish last.

ok.
enough photo tagging for the night.

time to get some shuteye.

at least some resting if not sleep.

haha.



today.

my mind is kinda blanked out.
but filled with thoughts at the same time.

its v v v strange.

think theres too many thoughts.



went for coffee with the peeps just now.
yang passed me his starbucks passport card.
ha.
do you still drink a hell lot of starbucks?

when i was thinking of what to get.
i got my favourite coffee frappe.
which is now ur favourite too.
is it still?

passed by the hk cafe.
curry noodles and peanut thick toast.
ur favourite.
is it still?

Bernie stays so damn near u.
everytime we send her back.
my heart lurches.

too familiar. this place.

B said.
she cares for him, but doesnt love him.

same for you?


Goodnight world.
Goodnight you.

今晚，就让我再沉醉一晚。
好吗？

So.
How to differentiate.
what things to remember.
what things to un-remember.

i think the unfortunate thing is.
i do remember.
thats why more painful.

i mean.
mere coincidence la huh.

there are only this many body parts.
eyes, nose, mouth, cheeks, hair, legs, arms, fingers, fingernails, armpits.

haha.

too many thoughts stirring around in the mind.
tonight.
bound to be a night of mindless thoughts for the insomniac.
me.

i think its God's way of telling me.

Seeing a breakup (sort of) in another perspective.
makes me see different things as well.

kinda similar in many ways.

i felt so indignant.
but yea.
i can see why too.

i mean humans are selfish.
that we cannot fault.

i mean.
we are made this way.

interesting.

but yea.

it does give me another view.

gives me alot to think about for tonight.




my hands not nice meh?
stumpy i know.
but yea.
not tt nice.
you remember?
i love this verse from the song.

小小的手掌　厚厚的温暖
妳总能平复我不安的夜晚

that was what i hoped to give with my small stumpy hands.
but i guess.
it doesnt work that way.

你不想说
我也不会逼你说

不管我多想知道
我也都不会逼你了

因为实在是太心疼你了


我想
可惜的是
牵涉的不只是你的感受
还有我

就一句
辛苦你了

我也就得这样的辛苦下去

又是何苦呢


你和她
到底怎么了

我其实很想知道

在一起
不再一起
吵架
放弃

如果没有了
怎么可以一起去看电影

如果还有
为什么说出那样的话


然后
我也问了问自己
到底你为什么那么想知道

想了好久
就是没有一个确定的答案

是因为不甘愿
舍不得
要证明自己是对的
让自己知道是错的
寻找一个恨你的理由
还是盲目的希望我们还是有希望的

我真的不知道

也非常的疑惑


最想不通的是
为什么
到底为什么要这样的折磨自己

就为了一种固执

如果在下一秒钟
你知道你将会死去
你只有时间对一个人对他说话
你会想说什么

我知道我会想打给谁
也知道想用最后一口气说什么

这份执着
其实恐怖的吓死人

哪里有人是这样的
难怪大家常说女人都是傻瓜


下个星期
就是我的生日
姐姐问我你上哪里庆祝

我对他说
不知道

因为其实也不是很重要了

年年的生日
其实我都不是很在乎

但是今年我有一个愿望

在我的日记本里
早已记下了
在上面还画了两个小兔宝宝

当你在和最心爱的人在一起
做什么都可以
哪怕是只是两个人
静静的坐在一起
什么都不用做，不用说
手挽着手
头轻轻地靠在肩膀
什么也不用说
心理也会是暖暖的

这就是爱情吧
至少这是我的定义

你呢
什么是爱情


今天
我希望你心中的平静
是持续的
是正确的

i wanna watch new moon too.

have been avoiding the movies like the plague.

but i really wanna watch new moon.

=(

u watched it with her?

peishy's wedding was a blast.
=)
lovin it!

was on a happy mode the whole entire day save for a few random moments of emo-ness.

today has to be the day i ate the most in the past mth.
clear indication of my state of mind.

i had a short teary moment when Terence gave his speech.

"I never knew what was missing in my life until i met you. You always say that i make a lot of wrong decisions in life. But i know im definitely right in making the decision to marry you. i love you."

all together now.
Awww.

i still miss you.
alot of you.
it would be nice today if you were here.

我的心真的受伤了
真的
这次真的彻底的受伤了

如果我是一只小猫
就像昨晚在我家门外的那只小猫
我也许就跟它一样
找不回回家的路

水汪汪的大眼睛
透露的是一种说不出的恐惧和哀伤
是一种在呼喊求救的眼神

在每一个笑容的背后
是一种害怕
害怕这短暂的开心就将消失

但是大家却都没有办法
你没有
我也没有

就算你有
你也不想了
在你皮夹里的那个人
不是我了

晚上在你怀里的那个人
也不是我了

你有权力
继续寻找你的幸福
你有权力
不需要再理睬我的感受
更不需要在乎我好不好
吃的好不好
睡得好不好
过得好不好
开不开心

那是你的选择
我的痛苦

是我选择爱上了你
傻傻的 笨笨的
所以现在我必须为我的决定负责任
为我的决定承受一切

两个人在一起
为什么需要这么样的复杂

难道不是我爱你，你爱我
就可以长长久久的在一起
童话故事里都是这样写的
所以我也天真的相信
所以才会给了你我的全部
甚至多过于我能给的一切

但是
这世界是不公平的
不是付出　就一定有回报


如果你认为你疯了

那我呢

我想我更是疯了

我真的疯了

梁文音-愛一直存在

那天我揚起帆　
想看看未知的海
心裡很多話想說說不出來　
雖然我臉上看不出來

天空一樣蔚藍　卻換了多少雲彩
那時的你讓我幸福百分百　
是否為我等待

我知道我的愛一直都會存在
沒有你淚停不下來
你知道我依賴多不想Say Goodbye
我痛說不出來

我知道我的愛一直都會存在
沒有你快樂都停擺
某一天我期待和你笑的燦爛
回頭看愛　都在

站在你的門外　我卻幸福在徘徊
心裡很多話想說　說不出來　
但我想你一定都明白

時間過的好快
想念卻不曾更改
現在的你是否幸福百分百　
我應該怎麼猜

我知道我的愛一直都會存在
沒有你淚停不下來
你知道我依賴多不想Say Goodbye
我痛說不出來

我知道我的愛一直都會存在
沒有你快樂都停擺
某一天我期待和你笑的燦爛
回頭看愛都在

我知道我的愛一直都會存在
沒有你淚停不下來
你知道我依賴多不想Say Goodbye
我痛說不出來

我知道我的愛一直都會存在
沒有你快樂都停擺
某一天我期待和你笑的燦爛
回頭看愛都在

愛一直存在

im supposed to be sleeping.

but i cant.

sigh.

tmr needa wake up at 6am.

thank God for events like this
to keep me going.

needa get high on happy potion.
so i can forget everything.

this dull ache throbbing.
keeps me alive.
but makes me hurt like crazy.

i dont want you back.
but i cant not love you.
you may regret.
but you dont want me back.

i dont know what you can do.
actually nothing.
i dont know what anybody else can do.
maybe nothing.
worse.
i dont know what i can do.

so just like that.

hey.
what about giving me what i want.

oh ya i forgot.
not ur problem.

you will continue with ur life.
with her.

i will continue with mine.

but i dont know what to do.

just like those stories u always read.

feels like a zombie.
ill laugh
joke.
hang out with a million pple.
work.
shop.
but the heart is so battered and torn apart.

不要再想了
他对你的关心
只不过是一时的事而已

一转眼
他就在跟着她说着甜言蜜语
哪里可能是真心的

神经病
人格分裂
还是虚伪
还是假装

算了
你也不要跟他一起发疯了

那个
你想嫁的人
已经死了

每个人都说
是他的损失
是他看不到你的美
是他不配

王八蛋

可是
为什么是我呢
最痛苦的是我

都不是我的错

但是承受一切的却是我

什么屁

最惨的是
我还是那么的爱你

什么屁

我想我疯了

it should be this simple.

Why Like That.

im feeling really lost today.

dont know why.

my hotmail has like 100 plus mails to clear.
i used to clear it diligently.

no matter what time i sleep i can only sleep for like 5/6 hours.
check out my eye rings balls.
how to be pretty for wedding like that.

sucks.

yesterday was an eventful day.

sorted out some friend stuff that has been on my mind since last week.
glad i got it out of my system.
and thankfully it went well.

i just realized i have such a wide spectrum of friends.

the nutty kind.
the sweet loving kind.
the nurturing kind.
the fierce kind.
the scold kind.
the make u laugh kind.

and many more.

but all i accept with open arms.
and they accept me with open arms.
Thank you God.

That convo with you.
i was tearing like mad.
luckily my table faces the wall.
i could just dab at my eyes.
i hope nobody saw.

i re read it again.
and im confused.
actually i think you're confused too.
ha.
i dont know whether its right to feel this way.
but i cant do anything about it anymore.

i appreciate your minimal efforts.
and i see them.

i blame you for alot of things.
but i dont blame you for alot of things as well.

when you were talking to me.
how were u feeling?
guilt? tortured?
let me tell you what i was feeling.
i was feeling immense pain.
but at the same time.
you were messaging her sweet nothings?

why like that?

but actually i think i can understand.
its a mind frame thing.
cause im like that too.
with friends, happy tralala.
with colleagues, happy tralala.
at home at night, no tralala.

is the same with you?
wake up. feel like shit. hate yourself.
see her. love and warmth fills your heart.
love and kisses. tralala. so sweet.
reach home. read. see.
den fall asleep shitty again.

Why like that.

sweetheart.
if you care about me.
i care about you.
you feel tortured.
i feel tortured.
you feel tortured cause you know i dont deserve this torture.
you hate yourself.

Why like that.

how did we get here?

It all started from a simple
"I have heard so much about you."

it doesnt make sense does it.

but.
it feels like.
you're not doing anything about it.
cause of one thing. (amongst the rest)
stubborness.
because you have decided.
you dont want to regret.
so you will stick thro with ur decision.
even if you have that lil regret.

i dont know whether my inferences are right.
i dont.
but its silly. and crazy.
to put yourself and myself thro torture just because of stubborness.
its insane.

but of cos theres also her in the picture.

and truthfully.
despite what everyone thinks.
even you.
i dont want you back.
i cant take you back.
i dont know how to.
because my heart is not whole anymore.

but this is not the way it should be do u see?

if 2 people break up because they have differences.
it will hurt.
but its not like that.
it really isnt.

because there's an additional thing.
her.
and with that comes an entire onslew of crap shit.

i can accept that we broke up not because of her.
i do.
its just easy to hate her.
but with her in the picture, everything becomes a freaky complicated world of shit.

now that is your fault.

all the shit.
if we were frank.
we could have worked it out.
but we didnt.
and now we cant anyway.
cause the roof has already fallen in on us.

all ur quirks, flaws, features, shittiness, sweetness, ambition, job, passion.
i loved it all.
i say this wo a nary of doubt.
i did.
in fact thats what i fell for.

thats what i signed up for.
so i already knew.

Love is just love isnt it.
Theres no reason.
No "I love you because.."
Just "I love you. Everything about you."

Have had such an insanely crazy day.
Ups Downs Anger Laughs Tears all squeezed in one day.
its crazy.

so effing tired.
think my uber tight schedule and 5,6 hour sleep nights for the past mth is finally taking a toll on me.
i almost fell asleep while chatting with lily.

crazy.

will bathe.

bathing always makes me feel better.


theres a precocious lil ginger kitty curled up sleeping on my smelly chui slipper outside the door.
its so poor thing.
the way its big glassy eyes stared at me while it mewed piteously.
i wan to give it water.
but what if it comes back.
i want to let it in. its cold outside.
but i cant.
its insane.
Where's the kitty's mummy.
tell the kitty to go home back to mummy.
this world is full of scary people and things.
go back to mummy kitty.

710am. alarm rang.

I didn’t know what to reply.
And I guess for now, its better not to.

Consider this my last present to you.
To do what you had no courage to face.

Under my blankie, in my half awake state.
I read the message again.
And again.
I teared.
Why is it so difficult.
Difficult to hate you.
Why did God have to do this.

Were you with her when you sent that sms?

Did you remember that on Tuesday, it was the 24th.
What are the odds man.
The 24th falling on Tuesdays.

But the odds were not in my favour.

When will the number 24 stop stirring a sick feeling in my tummy?
Just like everything else.


I love flowers.
A single stalk.
Simple.
Sweet.

You never gave me flowers.
Only one time was when lynn gently prodded you to get it at commencement.
You remember?

Don’t let me know if you are giving her any.
Hide it please.
Was i the one who told you it was called baby's breath?
ha.
the irony.

Its not fair.

I don’t know what I did wrong in this whole relationship.
What did i do.


Today’s SITEC.
Last year we went together remember?
During lunch, we braved the SITEC storm and ate Subway and cookies after.
Strange how I remember weird shit like this.

Its my birthday next week.

2 years ago, you gave me 3 presents; each with a different meaning.
I still have everything.
Even the pink paper box it came in.

1 year ago, we were at the Yamaha band competition.
Such a busy day.
I sliced my finger on the blade.
lots of blood.
Rushing here and there.
Surprising me with the mango cake.
(actually I know that you sneaked off to get it.)
Me in sultan’s top hat.
You winning best guitarist.
Watching Bolt.
Getting Bolt.
Bolt and his bunny ears and waggedly tail.
Oh Bolt has the same bday as me. Ha.
Is Bolt still around?
Bunnylove?
I wanna take bunnylove back.
But I don’t think I can bear to separate her and Bolt.
Just like thumper and thumpee.
They will go everywhere together.
Even if you eventually keep them in the storeroom, in the bin.
At least they are together.

This year.
Its just me.
Yes I may have a more exciting birthday this year than the past 2 years.
But birthdays are best spent with the people you really love.
And my wish will not come true this year.

I know I deserve better.
I do.
But I really don’t know how to take my heart back.

If I do get my heart back someday.
I don’t think ill ever ever give it away the same way anymore.

Its too much a risk.

Fall in Love?
Fall down the stairs better.

That call.
made me cry.
I haven really cried in a while.

They asked why.
We thought you two would last forever.

They asked why.
We thought you were the one.

They asked why.
Why didnt i want him anymore.
Everyone seems to think that i'm the one that didnt want you.
Didnt want us.
So weird. why?

But you see.
He didnt want me anymore.
Not me.
He didnt want to try anymore.
Not me.
He found someone else.
Not me.

They said.
You will find someone better.
Someone way better.
Someone that truly deserves you.
Someone that will give you the happiness you deserve.

And the tears fell.

muahahaha.

this made me laugh out loud, like really loud in the office today.
in the midst of the gloom when the arrow came.


Michelle says:
the nails are quite nice now
i could nv do that haha

minsy says:
ya
i cant paint nails for shit
always painted like damn messy black for him
ha
fucked up crap shit

Michelle says:
gotta calm down
it shows ur made for bigger things
most manicurists these days are china or phillipinos

minsy says:
MUAHAHAAHA. wtf.

my trusty best nonliving friend died on me this morn again. twice in the past mth.
sorry dear friend.
i think i have been overworking you.
you work overtime. morning evening nights. sometimes even during work.
venting frustration on you.
crying to you.

but you still continue to enlighten me.

cause u chose to hang on this song.
and the title just stared back at me with its non existent eyes.



不值得

除了想你 除了爱你
我什么什么都愿意

翻开日记 整理心情
我真的真的想放弃

你始终没有爱过
你在敷衍我
一次一次忽略我的感受
我真的感到力不从心
无力继续

这感情 不值得我犹豫
不值得我考虑
不值得我爱过你

这种回忆 不值得我提起
不值得想起
不值得哭泣

这段感情 早就应该放弃
早就不该让我浪费时间找奇迹

这样的你 不值得我恨你
不值得我为你而坏了心情
我决定不为你而毁了心
不为你而放弃爱情
不为你而毁了心
我决定不为你而毁了心
放弃爱你

当我看到时
心揪一下
好痛

一晚上累积的勇敢，决心和一丁点的开心
就在这一秒 不见掉了一半
哎
现在连一半都没了

心还是会痛的
而且是非常的痛
很痛很痛

没事时
心就像是有一把小刀划了几刀

有事时
还是那把小刀 狠狠地插了几道伤口
刀刀利落

血都流了一整地
但是人还是得笑着

当你和她在一起
是什么样的感触
你是彻底的把自己的怀疑和不悦撇开吗
就这样的欺骗自己一切一定会更好吗
还是纯粹天真的相信
或许 也许 你们是有将来的

你面对她时 心中的那种平静
是从哪里来的
我真的不明白
为什么你可以让她这样的左右你玩弄你
你从前最讨厌的就是这 不是吗

在右边的小天使说
不要再去看了
不要在这样折磨自己
不要再依赖
不要再为他流泪

左边的恶魔说
他就是那么样的不值得
你这个笨蛋
还在牵挂什么
还在担心什么
还在爱什么屁

但是心
还是一样
流着失去的眼泪

我其实想问你
你怎么能够这么快地就把我忘记
怎么能够把我们的记忆丢弃
怎么能够这样快对着另外一个女人说着甜言蜜语
怎么能够这么自私
怎么能够不再理睬我的感受
怎么能够变了这么多
怎么能够这样的伤害我
怎么能够可以这么不负责任
怎么能够可以不遵守承诺
怎么能够不爱我了

有没有可能
其实
你从来没有爱过我

这两年
到底我们在做什么 相信什么 爱什么

但
我想我也不想知道了
你也不想回答了
心累了倦了
再也不能忍受了
太痛了太辛苦了
人的心到底可以承受得了多少心碎

我们曾经是在同一个圈圈绕着的一对心心相惜的恋人
很多事 有时候 在开口前
你我都已经明白了

现在当你一步一步地从我的圈圈走远
你会不会回头看看我
想想我 问问我
因为我还是傻傻地在我们的圈圈走着走着
就像个迷宫
找不到出口

或许也许有时候我能走出来
但是我最后我还是不知不觉地走回了我们的圈圈
一直的谜失的找寻我的幸福

我真的不应该爱上你

让自己掉进了无底深渊
要怎么爬出来
走向我的阳光
我已经不知道了

我真的以为我就爱这一次
你就是我的幸福

我真的只会爱这一次
就是这最后一次

今晚

是我错了
我输了
我放弃了
我不行了

别傻了

其实我还会有一点痛心
一点点
像有人拿着一把小刀
慢慢的在心上划着
一划两划
但是
我会没事的

跌倒了再爬起来

乘今天有那么一点点的坚强

我一定可以的

你也一定要加油
一样的话说给你听

Be with someone who knows what they have when they have you.

最幸福的事

最幸福的事

你撑着雨伞 接我那次
已经足够我 记得一辈子

我懂後来你 不是不坚持
爱情本来就 没万无一失

泪水离开了 你的手指
那不如让它 流在这信纸

我想女孩子 最贴心的是
让爱的人选 结束的方式

我最幸福的事 当过你的天使
趁鼻酸能掩饰 让我们像当时拥抱最後一次

最幸福的事 吹蜡烛时你总为我许愿的手势
为挚爱的人 在左边心口保留位置 是最幸福的事

可惜爱不是 童话故事
不能够永远 依赖着王子

再难过其实 只剩两个字
我怎麽忍心 为难你解释

我最幸福的事 当过你的天使
趁鼻酸能掩饰 让我们像当时拥抱最後一次

最幸福的事 吹蜡烛时你总为我许愿的手势
为挚爱的人 在左边心口保留位置 是最幸福的事

那一阵子有你 美得不像现实
多高兴每一幕 都微笑着静止

我最幸福的事 牵着你的日子
一段爱从开始 直至分开我们都对彼此诚实

最幸福的事 对那片海用力大喊永远的样子
想得起的事 那天和你傻笑着认识 是最幸福的事

Thank you.

Dear God,

Thank you for granting me the peace.
A peace that transcends understanding.
That will guard my heart and mind against hurt, fear and confusion.
Of things that I cannot comprehend or understand.

I cannot expect nor hope for it to last.
But I hope it does.
But Thank you still.
This is the most peaceful I have felt in the whole month.
Thank you Suee. Must be ur fervent prayers. =)

Thank you God.


Dear you,

Not too sure when you will see this.
We will leave it to fate.
But today I have the peace, ease and conviction to tell you.
Let’s be friends.
Such a waste for our friendship to go down the drain. Isn’t it?
We would have made such good friends. Maybe even best friends. Ha.
Let’s be friends.
Today, I’m able to put away my hurt and care for you as a friend.
Its amazing. Really. Even im amazed.
But im really at peace.
Its not easy to separate it both.
But I could and I did.

Lets go for coffee. Shall we. =)

You're much better than this.

我想知道的是
如果你知道她只不过是在玩弄你对她的感情
你为什么要让她这样做呢

难道你看不出来吗

她真的没有资格得到你的疼爱
但是你偏偏就是那么的迷恋她

你的朋友都在作什么屁
为什么没人提醒你
就让你这样折磨自己

亲爱的
醒醒好吗
不要再这样下去

我的心在为你流泪

因为我知道
You're much better than this.

how do you quit someone who's everywhere.

you're like heroin. im addicted.
but its harmful to me.

i went to tamp for lunch.
at least i finished the fishballs.

i saw bunnies everywhere.
every single effing place.

in that gift shop where i wanted to see whether can buy wedding bears for peishy.
i see a bear clutching onto a bunny.
that bunny looks like bunny love.
the limp sort.

the petshop beside the food court.
there were 2.
one was the poofy fur kind.
reminds me of you.
thumper and thumpee inside the toy catcher in the arcade.
the kind that we have.
i wonder about thumper and thumpee.
are they still there.
den i remembered i wanted to bring you to this arcade to try the rollercoaster simulator.
i remembered the arcade card we had from the dhoby ghaut NEL arcade.
and i promised to go there once every 2 weeks.
i miss the arcade.
and shooting games.
mario car game.
basketball games.
so many.

den even when i accompanied my colleague to buy a pacifier.
i see bunnies.
bunnies on balloons.
and that bunny on that balloon.
looked like bunnylove.

when i wanted to buy a small cup of coke from macs.
i saw that seaweed shaker fries are out again.
i remembered the countless late night macs.
i remember you shaking the bag of shaker fries with anticipation.
and digging into the fries with fervour.

and i didnt feel like drinking my coke anymore.

as i walked past the liang cha store.
i thought of you.
are u well yet.

sushi store where i bought the sushi we smuggled in to cinema.
you.

its you you you you and you.

but i know for you.
its her.

why is it like that.

Dear God, Why.

If absence makes the heart fonder.
i have had enough of this fond shit.

What am i going to do.

第一个清晨

silly boy.
qiuckly go take a bath
go take medicine.
there shld be medcine left from last time in the fridge.
maybe in the pill box.
drink water.
drink alot of water.
put some water by ur bed.
just keep drinking it.
and just sleep.

cover the blankie.
turn the fan away from u.

sleep
plug in ur earphones.
play some music.
like 2 hearts.
den go sleep.
sleep for the whole day.

you need ur sleep silly.

i would go get the bitter tasting concoction for you.
but im not urs anymore.
if it doesnt work.
go get it ok.
tell the person ure having fever and whatever other ailment for you.
its really bitter.
but it will work.

__________________

Dear God,

Take care of him.
Watch over him.

Amen.

Today i will go to bed.
with an unsettled air around me.

i am still confused.

and worried.

but today.
theres nothing i can do.

except take the advice of a 17 year old.
wisdom beyond her age.
sometimes being young and untainted gives u the simplest answers.
Sleep.
Sleep solves all problems.
____

Dear God,

Thank you for your help today.
Tonight im gonna sleep with an air of uneasiness.

I dont know what im feeling now.
mostly lost i think.

but.
Take care of him?
i dont know what hes fretting over.
and i wont know. maybe never.
i dont know whether anyone will give him advice.
even if its her thats giving him advice and offering him comfort.
its painful.
but ill take it.
if he feels better.

Help him see light.
Help him get out.
Help him ok?

Tmr morning when i wake up.
you know what i'd do. ha.
after you help him see light.
dont forget about me.
help me too.

its afterall a scary tuesday.

Thank you.

Please help us find a way.

Amen.

i would like to ask you.
whats wrong.
but i cant.

just like this afternoon.
and many afternoons.
i see ur flickering nick in my msn.

but i cant click it and ask you.
how are you
what happened
are you ok

i cant.

tuesdays were my favourite days of the week.
favourite.

now they are the scariest days of the week.
every mon night, ill start to strap on my armour.
tape up my heart.

i wonder whether this tuesday ill come out unscathed.

i know i know im not supposed to look at it anymore.
but i did.
i stared at it for a good 5 mins.
u look happy in it.
happy without me.
in ur jacket with a R.

just like tuesdays.
december was my favourite mth.
birthday.
(did you know i already thought of what present you can get me already. haha.)
xmas.
the xmas songs.
the nice chilly weather. perfect for huddling.
the shopping for presents.
the parties.
the beautiful xmas trees.
the year end holiday to spend time with you.

but now i fear december.

i think im a confused person.

i dont know whether i want you to be happy or not.

When you're happy, it kills me.
i think its cause the happiness is linked to her.

When you're not happy, it kills me too.
i hate to see u unhappy.
thats my biggest downfall.

and i know its not like before.
i dont know whether there will be anyone who will listen to your problems.
someone to analyze ur random thoughts.
someone to give you an insight.
do you have someone u trust?
someone u can tell your unfiltered thoughts without worrying.
oh but u didnt really trust me towards the end.
do you have someone you can share ur thoughts with.
ah.
*sees approaching arrow*
her.
ah fuck it.
why am i caring.

i only wanted the best for you.
there has to be a name for the disease i have.
to be this confused.

i loved you so much.
i gave you only the best.
i wanted to make it up to you.
everything u missed out when you were young.
everything you couldnt have.
everything you didnt have.
all the love and attention you didnt have.
i wanted to give them all to you.
thats why i gave everything to you.

but i didnt know.
you dont give your everything away.
thats stupid.

i always accepted everything you did and didnt do.
because i loved you.
i accepted.
i compromised.
cause i wanted only the best for you.
i let you sleep in on all your rest days.
because i wanted you to have lots of rest.
to be bright eyed bushy tailed.

i never asked for anything.
except for you.
and your heart.

but now i know thats not the way silly.
you dont give ur everything u silly girl.

you dont.

strange strange life we have.

today.
was okay.
i think.

except for that.
pissed me off.
i just dont understand at all.
i treated u all as friends.
maybe not the kind i love as wholeheartedly as mine.
fortunately i dont.
but i care for you all okay.
i really do.
but really.
its very. disappointing.
i can understand that you didnt mean harm.
but can be a lil more smart??
think everyone thinks im too strong.
think i must be up and moving.

love smart friends like mine. really.

Today did an impromptu hair cut.
i fell for the trap again.
ha ha. bangs.
hope this time it lasts.

do u remember that when we wanted to buy a lil baby bunny.
i said we could try out the pet shop at 201.
i have not been to 201 in ages.
everytime we go there its with you in the middle of the night.
24 hr clinic, 7-11
today i went for a haircut there.
next door to the pet store
they really do sell bunnies.
quite alot.
cute small lil bunnies too.
white ones.
brown ones.
white ones with black eyes.
all happily sniffing and nuzzling.
cute lil noses.
i want to buy one.
but not now.
for now i think ill avoid bunnies for a while.
same for the rest.

things always seem to fall into place at the strangest moments.
just like friday.
i could have been somewhere else.
you could have been somewhere else.
on another staircase
another escalator
i could have been wearing another top.
but i was wearing the 'simon the diamond' top.
it could be any moment.
but it was at that moment when lynnie said
'i can see that today you're not happy'

life is strange isnt it.

Dear God,

I wanted to pray to you today about me about 15 min ago.

But not anymore.
Today if i had one wish, ill give it to my dear sweetheart lily.

Please take care of her mom.
take away her pain.
give her the courage.
give her the faith.
let her know that there's hope.

Give her loved ones the hope and strength to perserve.
It's a daunting task.
but im sure they can.
especially if you help them out.

Please help them out today.
Give them a glimmer of hope to carry on.
Ill be fine.
I'll hang on myself for a while.

Amen
_____________

When er gugu passed on, the nurses said they often heard her crying herself to sleep.
now this will forever be a major regret of my life.
one that ill never let go.
one that ill blame myself for for my whole life.
but i deserve it.
its one of the biggest mistakes i have made.
and i deserve to be punished for it.
for not trying hard enough.

its the same reason why i fell in love.
because i didn want any regrets in my life.
i put aside my fears and let you in.
its the same reason why i tried so hard.
because i never want to regret not trying my best.

irony.

im not good today.

but ill hang in there.

looks like its gonna be a night of insomnia.


painted my nails red.
blood red.
to remind myself of the blood i bled.
the tears i shed.


today.
please keep ur knives.
please.


her shite i can take.
yours i cant.

because you know me.


if you wanted to help.
nows a good time to.

you're right.

its no longer your responsibility to worry about how i am
or how i am not
how im doing.

its not.


but its your call.


please stop throwing ur bombs.

Im begging you.

the next round of attack
i dont know how ill fare.

so please stop.
my white flag is up.

When you said Forever, what did you have in mind? I had Forever in mine.

im such a nerd.

i love how words can tug at your heartstrings.

both english and mandarin.

found a treasure cove of quotes.

will share them over the week.

I have an overdue letter i wanted to write to my aunt since yesterday.

will do so soon when im more stable.

i bet she must be dying to read it.

but she will forgive me.

Conversation with my heart

Me: So what is it you want?

Heart: I want him back.

Me: Are you crazy? stupid or what? He put you in this state! And you still want him back?

Heart: I know. But i dont know what to do. You see this glue you stuck on friday? Its not good glue. im breaking again. you see, im crumbling off. you see this blood all around. its all my blood.
the knives come from nowhere. and they pierce me repeatedly. i dont know how to block them.

Me: I already told you. it will just keep piercing you. you have gotta be stronger. there's no other way around it. you have gotta do it urself. you have gotta hang in there. i promise i promise to find a good glue for you.

Heart: How much more till it ends?

Me: im sorry. that i cannot answer. i wish i knew.

沒有你的每一天 - Because I'm a girl

i first watched the korean mtv back in uni.
and it bought me to tears.

when later on i heard the chinese version.
the words bought me to tears.

but never would i have thought
years later.
i would feel the same exact way.
the same heartwrenching heartbreak.

its like how someone took your heart out.
gave it a hard squeeze.
you cant breathe.
and you're left gasping for air.
tears brimming in your eyes

but nobody's gonna come pick you up anymore.






回家的路总是很远 话少得很可怜
一个人的晚餐 都是孤单的滋味

看见身边重复上演 属于我们的画面
选择逃避的眼 怎么还是会流泪

爱着你的每一天 你就是我的世界
那时候还以为我 就爱这一遍

没有你的每一天 快乐离我好遥远
心已随你走了 还能用什么感觉

我舍不得睁开眼睛 害怕身边没有你
也许在梦境里 是我们最近的距离

想念你温热的手心 冷风里把我握紧
当冬天又来临 这温度该怎么延续

爱着你的每一天 你就是我的世界
那时候还以为我 就爱这一遍

没有你的每一天 快乐离我好遥远
心已随你走了 还能用什么感觉

谢谢你曾经爱过我 给我最美的经过
但生命最爱被剥夺 未来的路该怎么走

last night, my heart broke into smithereens.
i need some time to find back the pieces.
They are everywhere.
so i can stick them back together.
i suck at jigsaws.
so i need a lil more time to fix it back.

Meanwhile.

Stop it okay?

Can you please stop it?

Stop it.

Stop it please.

i cant find anything that makes me smile today.
nothing.

what am i gonna do.

You are really really really too much.

If im your sister, or a friend even,
can you feel my pain
would you think you have to do otherwise

you are scary


Dear God,

I'm sorry. I know you said to never be selfish.
I really sincerely wanted You to help him the past few days.
But today no. I find myself stupid and foolish.
How can i help the person, who will break my heart again. and again.
totally disregarding me.

Is he really soemone like that?
He's scary isnt he, like a monster.
God, i hate him.
for hurting me so.

Please help me out.
i dont know what else to do anymore.
And i fear it will only get worse.
It will, right?
This is only the start.

I'm sorry for being so hateful.
But i have no other ways of handling this, and handling myself.

God if you loved me, why did this have to happen to me.
Can you help me.
I wanna go back.
back to before i fell.

Please help me.
Please.

Amen

Dear God,

I need to ask you for your help today.
Help me.

This pain. Take it away.
Take me away.

Please help me.

Amen.

εїз lynnie εїз says:
Miss him rite

minsy says:
yes

εїз lynnie εїз says:
Yet it's one sided..
Heart ache

minsy says:
yeap

εїз lynnie εїз says:
Wished everything was fine and u cud run up and hug him tite
and he'll tell u tat everything's alrite
But..
=(

minsy says:
it doesnt happen tt way anymore

εїз lynnie εїз says:
Yea
Sorry minzy
Tis is sucky


Just wanna hole up.
and sleep tilll eternity
and never wake up.
never wake up to the hurt and sorrow.

Just take me away.

sue in KL. says:
its crushing
and devastating.
and i feel speechless

minsy says:
u took the words out of my mouth.


my heart was kinda glued back.
kinda.
but it just broke again.

i needa pick the pieces up and mend it back.
but it really hurts.
as i pick each piece up,
it cuts me up like a shard of glass.

Did you know
that yesterday was the 20th.
the day, the last day i saw you a mth ago.
the day i walked away from you.

my tears start to flow again.
when will this ever stop.

i fell too hard too fast.
Because of you.

好想你

好想你

Hi My one and only
这么多天没见
可是我总想起你的声音在我耳边

今天心情好吗 是否不愉快
要一切看得开 世界没有太坏

虽然不在你身边 我的心有一条线
连着你 牵着你

我好想你 想到愿意相信
我就闭上了眼睛 你在这里
别忘记 我们的约定 一直都在我心里
不管你在哪里 不要忘了我有多么爱你

不要忘了吃饭 不管有多忙
不要忘了开车时候 一定要往前看
其实我真的很快乐 有你一直守候
一直走到了以后都挽着你的手

虽然不在你身边 但我在你心里面
我愿意 等着你

我好想你 想到不能呼吸
想到全身没力气 没有关系
你别忘记 我们的约定 一直都在我心里
不管你在哪里 不要忘了我有多么爱你

我一直在这里 不要忘了我有多么爱你

心疼你

put ur ear plugs on sweetheart.
blast ur music from the ipod.
close your eyes.
and let the music bring you to sleep.

close your eyes ok?

or just find a cheap hotel the hotel 81 sort and just go there for a few hours of good sleep.

ill check it out for you if i were with you.
google it.

you must sleep yes?
take good care of yourself.
you must.

you know.

one thing.

despite knowing that she will break your heart.
you are still willing to give it to her.
like dig it out and give it to her on a silver platter.
you know, dont you.
you know, she doesnt love you.

its morbid.

but ure so willing to try so hard with her.
(me?)
or at least it seems so.
even when she turns her back at you.

it feels like our roles are just replicated.
you feeling for her what i feel for you.

thats a whole fucked up view all together.
insulting fucked up concept.

and the worse bullshit is.

i actually still worry for you.
i feel your pain.
i feel your anguish.
i feel your loss.
i feel your hurt.
and i love you still.
how can i love you so much that my hurt can be placed one side, and love steps in.

thats total bullshit.

how can so many things and feelings coincide in one brain, one heart.


Dear God,

Today i think you can just try to help him.
i think im insane anyway, but ill hang in there myself.

Give him a way and a solution.
Reduce his pain.
Take care of him cause i no longer can.

Amen

He's such a talented boy.
i know.
i know.
A boy full of dreams, ideals and spirit.
Hurt, fears and insecurities.

You.
You don't deserve him.
Not at all.
Not even a lil part of him.

The Rain

What does the pouring rain remind you of?

It reminds me of snuggling up towards you, under the quilt.
You peering at me in ur half open twinkly eyes
den pulling me in to an embrace
me resting against ur cool chest
resting my ear against your heartbeat.
you holding me close.

Content, safe and in love.

My favourite is
When you quietly sneak into bed after
and gently encircle me into ur arms to lala land.

i miss that.
i miss you.

Good night.

You takecare.

I feel torn.

i can see you're upset.
and the fucking thing is.
i actually care.
what the fuck right.

and the worse thing is.
its prob about her.

like really.
how silly can u get miss zhang.

how many times how many times you wanna dig you own grave.

sibei gong.

cant you see already.
shes not that into you.

(i think my friends all wanna tell me that too. ha.)

i always thought we were the same sort.
simple.
committed.
you like me, i like you.
tralala.

but of course now i know.
thats just plain stupid la.

i dont know her.
maybe im jumping into conclusions.
maybe she just has her issues.
but really.
shes twirling you ard her lil finger.
she has you under her thumb.

but yet you will painfully devote your heart to her.

or maybe im wrong.
ure like her.
we are different.

which is fucked up.
and the worse thing is
its a crazy vicious cycle.
shes fucked up -> you're more fucked up -> im the most fucked up for even caring.

this world.
will end up full of cracked people.
and no glue strong enough will work its magic.

___


Dear God,

First and foremost. Thank you. Thank you for helping me get through today.

Thank you for sending me friends at this time of need.
Thank you for sending me things to do, stuff to get busy for.

Today, i feel okay. Strong enough to hold on to myself. Strong enough to hold on to the pieces of my heart.

I dont know why. But. Here goes.
Today, i ask for you to help him.
Take good care of him.
Help him get through just like you helped me.


Thank you

Amen.

Fucking need a damn strong glue.

minsy says:
yup
and it will continue
for mths
my friend told me
it will keep breaking
and breaking
and ill just have to keep picking up the pieces myself and joining it back tog

εїз lynnie εїз says:
i tink it will break into 3 pieces
den the 3 will break into 6
den break break break
and shatter
until cui cui pieces
and once in a while u can glue back a bit
but it will always remain cracked


dont you find this funny? it cracked me up at work.
but the even funnier thing is its actually true.
very absurdly morbidly true.

ill always be cracked.
fucking need a damn strong glue.

I will work hard.
I must work hard.

No matter how hard
No matter how painful
I must do this.
I have to.

I must pick up the broken pieces of my heart for the umpteenth time.
And join them all back together.

It will happen again.
And I will have to do it again.

All by myself.


I’m happy to hear about that.
It must have made you very happy.
God did answer my prayers for you, didn’t he?
He took care of you.

goodnight.

tonight im going to sleep.
with alot on my mind.

im afraid of whats to come in the morning when i awake.
but theres no way i can avoid it.
cause my hands no longer listen to me.
or maybe they do.
thats why.

sometimes i wish i could just be unaware forever.


Dear God,

Thank you for your help so far.
I do appreciate it.

Tomorrow, i have to ask you for a favour.
And ask you to help me.

If its inevitable, help me face it.
Cause you know me.
I'm weak like that.

i dont think its fair to ask you to stop it right?
Can you?

Help me take the pain away.

Is he doing fine?
Take care of him too.

Amen.

Its scary when you can actually literally count what u ate.
have been resorting to lying that i ate so that ppl stop asking me to eat, or why i dont eat.

and to ppl who know me.
thats scary shite.
scary scary shite.

cause im almost snacking every other minute.

my hunger patterns are a good indication of my mood. direct reflection. kinda like a graph. its kinda insightful.


its strange.
cause when my aunt died.
i kept desperately grasping at the memories i have of her.
cause i was afraid ill forget her.

and with you gone.
i find myself doing the same.
isnt that weird
isnt it supposed to be the other way round?
like im supposed to force myself to forget so i dont feel the pain.

i find myself grasping at the memories.
the habits i have come to have for this 2 years.
i refuse to let them go.
i fear forgetting the lil things
i fear that some day ill forget.
but its not supposed to be like that.

but then i remembered
because for my heart.
you died.


and tonight is gonna be another sleepless night.

but i'm actually very scared.
cause when i open my eyes the first thing in the morning.
all i can think of is you.

and ill realize that shit just happened.

and no matter how hard i prep my heart for it.
its not going to be able to take it.

安靜了

只剩下鋼琴陪我站在這裡
夢想中屬於我們的婚禮
卻成了 單人結婚進行曲
在這場愛情角力的拔河裡
愛我還是愛你 你選擇了自己

撒嬌的 可愛的 黏人的 愛哭的 照片裡 曾經的都是你喜歡的
如今我還在原地 你卻走回你的記憶

你說我愛你太多 就快要把你淹沒
你害怕幸福短暫一秒就崩落
分開是一種解脫 讓你好好的想過
我想要的那片天空 你是不是能夠給我

你說我給你太多 卻不能給我什麼
分不清激情 承諾 永恆或迷惑
愛情是一道傷口 我們各自苦痛
沉默是我最後溫柔 是因為我太愛你

只剩下鋼琴陪我站在這裡
夢想中屬於我們的婚禮 安靜了 在我枕邊的夢裡
我知道相愛原本就不容易
愛不是1加1 努力就有結局

撒嬌的 可愛的 黏人的 愛哭的 照片裡 曾經的都是愛著你的
臉頰的淚還溫熱 卻沒有人握我的手

你說我愛你太多 就快要把你淹沒
你害怕幸福短暫一秒就崩落
分開是一種解脫 讓你好好的想過
我想要的那片天空 你是不是能夠給我

你說我給你太多 卻不能給我什麼
分不清激情 承諾 永恆或迷惑
愛情是一道傷口 我們各自苦痛
沉默是我最後溫柔 是因為我太愛你

Nothing's fair in this world.
i should have known.

If i had known.
i would never have allowed myself to fall.
If i didn't,
ill be back in Jurong right now.
not in the middle of nowhere
lost.

Today it was painful.
Esp now.
Painful.

Its my fault really.
For having no control.

When you decided to date her
Did you ever think about me?
What I would feel
What I would think
How my heart will break
The tears will drop

I guess I already know the answer.

Cause you have simply just moved on.
Like lightning.
You’re not heartless.
Just that you’ve moved on.

What did I do to deserve this?
What did I do wrong

I’m just not good enough for you.
I’m not able to give you the things you want.
I’m not able to give you the time you want
I'm not able to give you the love you need
I'm not able to give you the support, care and comfort you need
I’m not good enough for you.

Maybe after a few times of this.
I will no longer feel the pain of it all.

I mean, what’s a cut when you have been stabbed a few times right?

Poison of the Day: 安静了

This song is amazing.

goodnight.
goodnight you.
have a good rest.

Dear God,
Take care of me tmr?
and yea him too.
Thank you.
Amen.

Today on the train
after my millionth shopping trip for my cousin's prom
i saw my first boyfriend. ivan. haha.

he looked quite good.
nice jeans. nice shirt. nice shoes.

i wanted to go over and say hi.

and then i paused.
if i go over. he will ask me hows life.
and then ill say ok.
den he will ask me about you.
den i wont know what to say.

so i didnt go over.

i wondered.
see how we are friends now.
decent ones at least.

we have had our moments.
just like how i was still hung up over him up till JC.
even in J2 i think, there was a itsy bitsy chance of us getting back tog.
but i gave it up. cause i didnt want to be the reason between them.

maybe.
just maybe.
maybe just like ivan.
we were meant to be friends.
like the lil necklace u gave me during my birthday.
the one that came with a black guitar and a pink pick.
i have the "Best" side. You have the "Friends" side.
You told me besides being the best lover to me, you wanted to be my best friend.
these days, on days when i feel like i need a lil help a lil courage a lil bit of you to carry on, i sling it around my wrist.
and hold it close.

maybe just maybe.
we were just meant to be best friends.

but.
i may have lost my first best friend in this world.
have i.

i have been listening to the song the whole day.
but only now have i had the chance to watch the MTV.
and it bought me to tears.

i dont know why.
i feel like throwing and crashing plates like the girl.
but nobody will be there to hug me after it all.

i dont know whats wrong.
my life continues.
i block out everything.
i work. i think. i shop. i laugh.
but when im home.
in front of the computer.
with blogger.
i cant put on my facade anymore.
my defenses crumble.
and i become me.

i still have half a sausage mcmuffin left.


Dear God,

If you're helping me today. Can you please help me a bit more?
Just a little bit more?
In my life, i'm hardly selfish.
But could you just help me a bit more?
Please.
Just a leetle bit more.
i need it.


There are meteors tonight.
I wanna see them.

Then i saw zhuoyan's msn.
and i teared.
I would like to have that too.
to see the meteors with you.
but i cant anymore.
you will prob see it with her.

i needa see some light.
some hope.
some flickering hope.
like a candlelight.
in order for me to carry on.
to give me hope that maybe everything will be okay afterall.
i have the chance to go back to Jurong.

maybe ill see the meteors alone tonight.
the peak is at 5am. ha.



李玖哲 - 想太多

你笑著說 她是朋友
但你眼中太溫柔

我的不安 那麼沉重
只有你不懂

她霸佔了你的心中
屬於我的角落
所以你說 我們 不是你和我

是我想太多 你總這樣說
但你卻沒有 真的心疼我
是我想太多 我也這樣說
這是唯一能 安慰我的理由

她霸佔了你的心中
屬於我的角落
所以你說 我們 不是你和我

是我想太多 你總這樣說
但你卻沒有 真的心疼我
是我想太多 我也這樣說
這是唯一能 安慰我的理由

我想我沒有 錯怪了什麼 雖然你不說
或許錯在我 太晚我才懂 愛了你太多

是我想太多 你總這樣說
但你卻沒有 真的心疼我
是我想太多 我也這樣說
這是唯一能 安慰我的理由

Has a sausage mcmuffin on her table which smells delicious.
Smells of savoury chicken sausage with egg and a cheesy smell wafting through the office.
But she doesn’t want to eat it.
The thought of eating it actually makes her nauseous.
That’s seriously the strangest thing ever.

Maybe ill keep it for lunch.
Or tea.
Or dinner.

She thought yesterday the xiao long baos at dinner will do its magic.
I mean its xiao long baos.
Plus it was her first meal of the day.
She ate only 2.
And she was full.
Even xiao long baos don’t do its magic anymore.
Like the egg tau hway from chomps.
No more magic left in it.

Think her body is only receptive towards fluids for now.

Ill be okay after my morning coffee.
Macs coffee is surprisingly quite aromatic.

Everyday there’s a song on repeat.
Music is the best medicine for broken hearts.
It comforts, scolds, chides, answers, loves, empathizes.

Poison for the Day: 想太多

tonight im going to bed.
and praying veryveryvery hard tmr will be a better day.

please.
no more ok.
i wont be able to take any more.


Dear God,

You said, Ask and it shall be given.

Please give me the strength and power.

Today i shall ask.

Let tomorrow be better.

Dont drop any more bombs on me.

Let me be normal.

I really need ur help.

Please help me.

Amen.

The worst thing a guy can say to a girl after they break up

#121: yeah i was totally an asshole and bastard to you and i don't deserve you. please, just move on, forget about me and have a great life. what the fuck.why is it all about YOU.stop telling us things we already know.

-Sue


Today was majorly bad.
So damn bad. It was scary.
Like i said.
My hunger patterns actually are a direct representation of my emotions.
and today i didnt feel hungry at all.
at all.
Its like we went back to the first week after it all happened.

Its been a mth since it all happened.

But it became better.
Sometimes its good to have to put up pretences and facades.
den u force urself to work hard.
work hard. work hard work hard.
laugh. smile.

I hope tomorrow's better.


Dear God,

Please let tomorrow be better.
I've been really good, havent i?
Please.
Please help me ok?

Amen.

Sue told me to pray to God.
She said God will help you in ur darkest hour.
It may not seem like he is.
but he is.

She said.
Be honest with him.
Tell him ur angry
Tell him ur sad
Tell him ur hurt
Tell him ur pain
Tell him the truths.

So i did.
i clasped my hands together.
and i told him.
I told him how sad i am
how miserable i was.
how hurt i am.
and how tired i am.
i told him.
Please help me
Help me find a way out.
Help me out of this ditch.
Please help me.
I really need some help.
Please help me.
Please take the brain away.
Please take the pain away.
Take it all away.
Help me out.

Then i thought. What else?
Then i told him.
Please help you.
Like what the hell.
After all thats happened.
I still asked him to help you.
I asked him to help u to stop tripping over the stones.
I asked him to help you out.
When you need help.
I asked him to take care of you.

I must be crazy.
There's only that little bit of sane part left in my heart
and part of it still goes to you.
The person that took the rest of it away.

Then i told him.
im not sure whether i want you to really help him
because sometimes i want you to hurt.
as much as me.
somtimes it seems you dont need much help.
but sometimes it seems like you do.
and i care about you.
still.

I think He must be confused.

Dear God, Please help us find a way out.
If youre helping him first, remember to come by and help me.
I need some help.

Amen.

The Man, The Beggar and The Prawn Noodles.

Let me tell you a story about a Man, a Beggar and a plate of Prawn noodles.


One day a Man bumped into a beggar.
The beggar asked for $1.
The Man said i have no money today.
Next week, i promise you. you trust me. you come to Tampines i will give you $2.
The beggar said
But i stay in Jurong.
The Man said.
Nono i promise you. You come to Tampines i will give you $2.

The next week.
The Beggar thought long and hard.
and called The Man again to reconfirm.
The Man said,
Come to Tampines. I promise i promise to give u $2.
The Begger den decided. i think i can trust the Man.
i shall walk from Jurong to Tampines.
cause he can give me $2.
ill be really happy. the happiest i have ever been.

so the Beggar walked and walked and walked.

The Man went to Tampines and was waiting for the Beggar.
Then he saw a aunty selling prawn noodles.
The aunty's prawn noodles were very nice, famous, well sought after.
Everyone wants a bite.
but he's allergic to prawns.
but they smelled too delicious. too tempting.
suddenly. the $2 seemed better spent on a plate of prawn noodles.

He thought about it long and decided.
I shall buy the prawn noodles.
It will make me happy.
The Beggar will be fine.
Let me tell her.

By then, the Beggar was already at Simei.

Then the Man called the Beggar and said
I'm sorry. i am going to use the $2 to buy a plate of prawn noodles.
The Beggar said
no please wait for me. im almost there. i've already walked so far. my shoes are torn. my clothes are dirty.
The Man said,
sorry i already made up my mind. nothing you do can change my mind. i think the prawn noodles is better. i have decided. Dont come to Tampines anymore. Go back.

And than the Man bought the prawn noodles.

And the Beggar was left stranded in Simei.
She had tried her best.
she walked all the way from Jurong.
But she no longer knew where she was. Where is Simei.
She doesnt know how to go back to Jurong.

Did the Man cheat the Beggar?
What should the Beggar do now?

Stop thinking you fucking stupid bitch.
Yes you.
You there in the ratty pink Minnie Mouse tshirt and FBTs.
You're already so tired you still think and think and think and think.
it doesnt fucking change anything dont u know.
who cares if you hurt.
who cares if you cry for the millionth time.
who cares if you cant sleep
who cares if you cant eat
who cares if your every single solitary moment is permeated with thoughts of him, of her.
who cares if your laughter is no longer the ones that come straight from the heart.
who cares if your heart is left in pieces, all strewn over the floor.

nobody.
yes nobody.

definitely not him.

so wake up ur idea and stop.

Even when you try ur best to block it out.
totally exhaust urself.
be happy and laugh.
shop. buy nice clothes. nice dresses.
eat. get high. get drunk. get wasted.
surround urself with friends and stuff to do.
Even if it all doesnt work.
you still gotta work hard.
you gotta try harder and harder and harder.
try so fucking hard that u exhaust all ur energy.
i know you are already trying.
but its not enough.
and u still have to try. try harder.
I'm sorry but nobody can help you.
you have to do it urself.
you have to try so darn hard ur insides hurt.
you just have to.
you must.
you must you must you must.

Cant you already see, understand and believe it already.
hes an asshole.
a bastard.
a fucking cheebye bastard.
he doesnt care.
doesnt bother.
even if he does care, its prob just to get rid of the guilt.
its not for you.
dont even dare think its for you sweetheart.
its not.
its for himself.
cause hes only human.
he needs you to feel better so he can answer to his conscience.
ur pain. ur hurt. only takes up a teeny teeny part of his heart.
if you die today.
he will just mourn a while, burn u incense and say goodbye.
and move on tralala.
he just wants you out of his life
so he can have many better tomorrows with her.
hes gonna give her the world.
a future.
his heart.
his time.
his hugs, his kisses and sweetnothings.
the best he can offer to her.
he will miss her, dream of her, think of her.
wanna be together with her all the time.

not you.
not you anymore.
who are you to him?
merely a passerby in his life.
who foolishly loved him with her heart and soul.

so wake up ur fucking idea miss zhang.
stop hanging on.
stop relying.
stop wishing.
stop thinking the best of him.
start hating him.
and mean it.

Remember what he did to you.
Remember each and every single time he let you down
Remember each promise he gave but didnt keep.
Remember each time he slashed your heart.
Remember what he did to you.
Most importantly
Remember not to be so stupid and foolish anymore.
Try to remember in ur thick numbskull head
that there's nothing called true everlasting love in this world
nobody can love you forever
like you think you can.
Nobody.
Everybody changes.
so stop being such a dreamer.
Don't ever forget that you understand.
Dont be stupid and foolish anymore
and trust somebody like this.
Dont ever ever ever ever
Fall in Love again.

Stop thinking that he still is, or will be, the same sweet boy you fell in love with.
The one who panickly searched for a tshirt and slippers when he realized you were stuck in office pants and high heels.
The one who painted doors with you.
The one who painted THAT door with you.
The one that asked you to be his.
The One.
Because he's not.
He left you.
hurt you.
stabbed you.
cheated on you

So stop fucking loving him.
Stop.

How many times you want me to fucking tell you?
That person.
He died.

Stop torturing urself.

Stop fucking loving him.

*edit
no la never cheat.
never date us both together what.
it was one after the other.
days apart.
never cheat.

as i look at the recent photos.
i realized
nowadays when i laugh
i always laugh wholeheartedly
the HAHAHAHA kind

mouth agape.
crinkled eyes
head thrown back.

and den i realize actually its not even that funny
but still the HAHAHAHAs come by

its almost as though since its funny
i better take the chance to laugh it out loud
cause i dont know when the next time it will be

its almost as though if i dont max out my laugh
the sadness will kinda seep through

its almost as though im afraid that these laughs
will soon disappear
and no more laughs will come by.

needs to hurt something.
kill something.

or let something kill her.
hurt her.

cause did you know?
your body can only feel one type of pain at one time?
then maybe i wont feel the piercing agonizing pain in the heart.

this is all so fucked up.

my motto in life used to be stuff like being happy.
no regrets.
as long as you dont hurt anymore.
love the ppl u love.
do ur best to help.
etcetc u get the drift.

someone has gotta remind me.
to wake up my fucking idea.
and stop it.

dont think. dont fucking think. because when you realize just how fucked up everything really is. you realize you dont know how you got where you are. you dont know where ure going and you dont know what to do anymore.

and i need to stick to it.

this is the last straw.

how many more last straws till i stop hurting.

as i wake up this sunday morning.
did my usual ritual.
yea.
argh.

damn fucked up.
you.
and me too.
for worrying.

you dont deserve any of this.
and i dont deserve it either.
i dont fucking deserve it.

so please. someone. God.
take it all away.
and let me stop driving myself crazy.

In my note to God.
Please give us, give me the strength to make it through and help me find a way.
Please?

you are ridiculous.
total bullshit ridiculous.
wtf kinda ridiculous.

im speechless.

i care for you.
worry for you.
but really im speechless
dumbstruck

and feeling fucked up all together.

you are amazing.

to enable me to even feel this myraid of emotions.
this variety.

fucked up. totally fucked up.

right now.
im just totally disgusted, sad, angry.
and filled with hate, disgust to the brim.

fucked up.

it really hurts.

same sentence.

applies to you.

but urs applies to her.

what the fuck right?


minsi stop thinking stop thinking stop thinking.
because everything is just so fucked up. and you realize you dont know how you got where you are. you dont know where ure going and you dont know what to do anymore.

so stop fucking thinking understand.

Saturday morning.
its not raining.
but the melancholy sticks around.

i had a great day with myself.
retail therapy works wonders! ha.
as i walked around bugis.
i walked to the place that sold the $25 jeans.
as i looked for the white pair u liked.
i suddenly realized.
so what if there was the white pair?
stupid stupid me.
stupid.

you see.
you said it was the pressure. the stress.
that a girlfriend gives.
me.
if truly so, den why look for another one so soon?
and build a future with one more?
isnt that ironic?
you said you gave me far more than you gave her.
but you dont understand.
its not even the fucking same.
we're not even on the same fucking scale.

i was someone who gave you everything.
i was someone who believed in forever with you.
how could you even measure us like that?
its was such an insult.
a slap on the face.
its very scary.
cause it makes me feel like the past 2 years
was a lie.
its so so scary.

if you said you were truly sorry.
den why did u do the things you do.
if you were truly sorry, i.e you would do all you can to lessen the pain
but you didnt.
you just did what you wanted.
and hoped that that was enough.
out of sight out of mind.
i need my life
i need my happiness.
i think she will be fine la.
she will find a way out herself.

u're right.
im not ready to move on.
i dont know how u did.
its amazing.
and scary.
in a snap of the fingers.

im not angry, angsty.
im actually nice and calm.
its just i have no idea why.
totally no effing idea.
are humans all like that?
am i the only one thats different?

a friend who just broke up yesterday told me.
his gf got attached to a guy soon after they broke up.
and now this girl and the new guy have problems.
and she confided in him.
and she asked him, "if i break up with the new guy, do you think we still have a chance?"
i was so angry when i heard it
so so so angry
what a slut.
but then he said "i realized my answer is still yes."
and then i paused.
i realized somehow somewhat.
maybe in different permutations.
maybe in different ways.
but my answer was the same as his.

thats insane isnt it?

To love someone that caused you so much pain so crazily and unconditionally.
that you will take him back in a heartbeat.
its insane.
it should be some genome error.
humans should not be allowed to do something as detrimental as that

Something i read today:

Darkness cannot drive out darkness. Only Light can.
Hate cannot drive out hate. Only Love can.
Hate is easy.
Love takes courage.

i seriously need to be less brave.
and remind myself that taking the easy way out is better.
cause being brave.
is too painful.

On the lunch bus back to work today, the rain pitter pattered.
ah. raining again.
rainy day.

i looked at my shiny gold casio watch.
ahh. friday the 13th.

and i remembered.
this day. 1 mth ago. we were happy.
this was the last time we were.
happy.

what i would give to turn back the clock to that very day.

i would give everything. and anything.

then i remembered the day.
i think it was drizzling.
the day i walked away from you.
from the cab.
the brave step out.
that step out.
that step i didnt want to take.
but i didnt have much choice to not.
the day i walked away from you.
i walked. i looked at your cab drive slowly away.
disappearing out from sight.
i walked. i had to walk.
knowing inside my heart this was going to be the last time i would see you in a very long time.

and you see.
tears start flowing again.

the rain.

you see. yesterday when we spoke.
smses.
ur smses were punctuated with many lol.

with every lol.
my heart actually cringed a little.

u never did lol much did you.
a habit picked up from somewhere.

and that somewhere i think i know.

ah. the little things that kill you.

so awesomely sweet. ahh.
love bunnies.
put a smile on my face.
and i know it will put a smile on urs too.
goodnight everyone.
goodnight you.

just like how the rollercoaster may go up and down. so do i.
sine curve.

today im just tired of being angry.
very tired.

i told my second colleague A today about the breakup.
the first colleague M knew cause he said "Are you okay? Why you look so chui."
and i was like wth! haha. so i told him. telling guys are always easier. they just ask enuff.
den they provide you with entertainment and distractions cause they know they cant do the emo consoling shite.

the second colleague A went "dont bluff la!" i gave her a look and said "seriously"
and she gave me a long thoughtful look before repeating it again.
After the third "you must be joking" she went, "but you guys were like the perfect couple!"
yea balls. haha.

today. just like how the song goes.
in my note to God. just like the one written 1 mth ago.

Grant us the faith to carry on
Give us hope when it seems all hope is gone
Cause it seems like so much is goin wrong
On this road we're on

and today.
im not angry with you.
dont think its supposed to be like that.
but im not.
i hope you're well.
and no longer tripping over stones.

while the rain pitter pattered today, i thought of you.
the rain reminds me of you.
my heart ached like mad.

the rain reminds me of burying my face in your arms.
all snuggled up together.

and just how coincidences happen.
it happened.

when i ended the convo telling you we will speak again when it rains.
im not sure when we will truthfully.
but i wanted to tell you.
i love you.
still.

sue tried to send me a song.
and guess what she sent?

hahahaa.

the coincidences in this world that happen to me.


i rem tearing when i first watched this with you, i was sitting on ur lap.

you loved this song. didnt you?

and there was one night while i slept on, this song was on repeat i think.

i can almost memorize all the lyrics.


today ill sleep to this song.

and tuck this memory away safely in my little box.

along with the rest.



Note to God

If I wrote a note to God
I would speak whats in my soul
I'd ask for all the hate to be swept away,
For love to overflow

If I wrote a note to God
I'd pour my heart out on each page
I'd ask for war to end
For peace to mend this world
I'd say, I'd say, I'd say

Give us the strength to make it through
Help us find love cause love is over due
And it looks like we haven't got a clue
Need some help from you

Grant us the faith to carry on
Give us hope when it seems all hope is gone
Cause it seems like so much is goin wrong
On this road we're on

If I wrote a note to God
I would say what on my mind
I'd ask for wisdom to let compassion rule this world
Until these times

If I wrote a note to God
I'd say please help us find our way
End all the bitterness, put some tenderness in our hearts
And I'd say, I'd say, I'd say

Give us the strength to make it through
Help us find love cause love is over due
And it looks like we haven't got a clue
Need some help from you

Grant us the faith to carry on
Give us hope when it seems all hope is gone
Cause it seems like so much is goin wrong
On this road we're on

No, no no no
We can't do this on our own
So

Give us the strength to make it through
Help us find love cause love is over due
And it looks like we haven't got a clue
Need some help from you

Grant us the faith to carry on
Give us hope when it seems all hope is gone
Cause it seems like so much is goin wrong
On this road we're on

If I wrote a note to God

i think. i've really had enough. really.
i'm so fucking tired of this. its not funny.
there are many many ways to let a person go.
if it was just our relationship that didn't work out.
yes it will hurt.
but not like this.
thats the problem.
because its not just that.
u know urself it isnt.

yes our relationship had its problems.
yes i had my faults.
but once you decided to involve another person in.
you knew this was going to end this way.
but of cos i wasnt supposed to find out, was i.

if being open about ur feelings ur love ur emotions and inevitably causing extreme hurt when you know you will, is the way u choose to do it, i have nothing to say.
because that's just plain mean and definitely selfish.

which u never were.

its too much.
i know i may not seem like it matters to me anymore.
but really.
u should know better.
if it was one of ur good girlfriends, ur mei or whoever who was in my position.
tell me.
what would u do.
you would have probably beat that person up mindless.

theres only so much a person can take.
and so much a person can do.
and ive had it.

i know i said i would tell you personally if i had something to say.
something to ask.
but u dont understand do you.
when i do that.
i become the desperate one.
and you dont understand.
when i do that.
i become the one that clinging on for her dear life.
when i do that.
you will just feel irate and pissed off that i still want to be part of your life.

and i will never allow myself ever to be that desperate person ever again.

and u weird ugly fucked up outsiders who are reading this, fuck off really.

just so you know.
you will never ever find someone who loves you the way i did.
never.
and that's not a threat, not a curse.
that's the truth.

you can be happy with ur babygirl.
i've really had it.

我要我们在一起

风远远地吹着我的脸我的手我的发我的心我的眼睛
你远远的呆在那个城那个路那个房那个灯那扇窗口
我静静的放着你给我的cd音乐当作背景
怎么唱
都不再煽情

我记得你习惯闭着眼抱着我好像我是你的脸笑嘻嘻
我不知该如何对你笑对你哭张着嘴不理你像个机器
你的世界我的日子好像没有谁对谁发过脾气
过的太快,来不及

唉哟……
你说你说我们要不要在一起
柔情的日子里
生活的不费力气
傻傻看你
只要和你在一起

我说我说我要我们在一起
爱你不费力气
不像现在只能遥远的唱着你

msn with sue.

sue says:
ok random thoughts : if we ever get married...we must make a speech at each other's wedding
then we mention this hard period and then on tt day we will say
remember that day when we thought we would never recover...

minsy raising her white flag. says:
hahahaha
YESYES
must
den we will tear
hahaha

sue says:
hahaha
then we will say
now, X is the one..

minsy raising her white flag. says:
hahahaha
this is so funny
gonna blog it
hahahaa

sue says:
lol
trying to cheer you up with thoughts of a future can!

minsy raising her white flag. says:
hahaha
it will be nice
hahaha
but it makes me laugh
and sadly it doesnt
when u said that
i imagined it
there was nobody beside me
hahaha
the power of a strong imagination

sue says:
me also
HOW

minsy raising her white flag. says:
die la lidat
hahahah

sue says:
nvm when we grow old we'll go old folks home tog
dont pangseh okay
hahaha

minsy raising her white flag. says:
hahahaha
cheebye

sue says:
hahaha

Am not really the holy sorta person but this prayer from blonde's touched me.

"God grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference."

feel his angst.

totally tired.
exhausted to the max physically, mentally and emotionally.

dont want to do this anymore.
i give up.
its too hard.





曹格 - 寂寞先生

你的笑容是恩惠　世界难得那麽美
於是追 要你陪　
可惜本能终会将美丽汗水化成泪水

黑夜之所以会黑　叫醒人心里的鬼
在游说 在萦回　
在体内是什麽 在把我摧毁在伤痕累累

我可以无所谓　寂寞却一直掉眼泪
人类除了擅长颓废　
做什麽都不对　Oh … I'm not okay

我假装无所谓　才看不到心被拧碎
人在爱情里越残废　
就会越多安慰　无论(有)多虚伪
空虚并非是词汇　能够形容的魔鬼
它支配着行为　
能摆脱寂寞我什麽都肯给　就像个傀儡

i dont really know.

weekend has been great. had a great night with my darling girls. had so much fun, albeit in a slacker mood. hahaa. thanks babes.

btw i hate it when pple i dont know visit my blog. if you're wondering hey is she referring to me, likely tendency is yes it has to be you. byebye fuck off.

i really dont know what im feeling.

i just try my bestest best to pack my weekends chock full of activities. so i dont even have time to think.

but this cannot work out for forever.


i think its really a major conflicted confusing position.
and it is unfortunately here to stay.

Are you happier?
sometimes im happy tt you're happier.
sometimes im not.
sometimes i wish you hurt just as much as i do.
do you?
sometimes i just wish you will hurt just as bad. you dont even need the full impact of my pain. just a small part is enough.
sometimes i just wish i could spare you of the pain, just like before.

i dont really know what to think anymore.

but one thing for sure.
you don't leave my mind.

and that sucks.

just like what i said.
up till 3 weeks ago, i was going to marry you.
i dont know how am i suppposed to let it go in a matter of weeks, maybe mths, maybe longer.
how the fuck do you do that?

have no idea.
but theres no instruction manual to go about it.
nothing.
no switch to turn on or turn off.

why dont you tell me how you did it.

does finding someone else to love make it easier?
dont know.
i considered that path.
but it doesnt work.
cause i dont believe in true everlasting love anymore.

it died that day my heart was taken away from me.

so what the hell can i do now.

today i want to tell you to take good care of yourself
and to eat ur meals. dont skip too many.
and to be good and drink lesser.
may you have a good day at work.

i actually have so much to say to you.

but i won't.

its a strange place of conflict.

i suppose friends dont telll each other everything.

not even the special sort.


blogger will be my boyfriend.

problem is blogger cant exactly hug you, can they?

happiness defined.

u see.

everything still reminds me of you.

yesterday's short trip to anchorpoint/queensway.
no good. no good at all.
i didnt realize anchorpoint was where we had lunch before with xiang at secret recipe.
i even remember the star shaped hashbrows that we took a picture of.
the one that was v cute. like the hashbrow was trying to escape out from the basket.

den queensway.
ah.
we never made it there.
now we will never make it there.
every single top/vest i saw. i could almost imagine myself telling you, "you'll look good in this! let get it"
the shoes too.
but it will not happen anymore.

u see.
for a long while every single fucking thing will remind me of you.
even supper at spize.
even eating maggi goreng.
drinking ice mountain.
looking at bunnies at petshops.

last night was great.
i drank so much it wasnt funny.
many shots, many cups, that shared lambo (waterfall?), and duno how many jaeegerbombs.
but not bad. i was still standing.
albeit in a wobbly manner.

as the music was pumping around us.
drinks were shared freely.
heated bodies pressing together.
amidst the drinking dancing laughter and happy posing for photos,
i suddenly thought of you.
for these few hours
under the heady influence of alcohol
i was actually decently happy.
but the happiness was a weird sort.
it wasnt the kind of happiness that warms your heart like bright and sunny mornings.
it was the kind of happiness that someone kinda pours a happy potion into you
and automatically you're transported to a land of happiness.
glassy eyed and all.
are u this way every night?

when i got home. i felt like shit.
total shit.
i slept on the sofa for 1 hour before forcing myself to stumble my way to the toilet to wash up.
as the world spun around me
water ran down my face
i puked out my maggi goreng
i thought of you.

so hey this is how you feel when you drink too much.
when the world spins uncontrollably
the stuff in ur stomach just feels conflicted whether to stay in there or come out
ur limbs feel like they are detached from your body
and all you wanna do is to curl up and sleep

its still you.
you again.
it would have been nice to have someone taking care of me.

but that will no longer happen.
so allow me my moment of weakness to mourn the death of that.

this morning was beautiful.
as i stepped out, there was a slight breeze in the air.
sun was ok. not too bright. but sunny.
bright blue skies.
some birds chirping.

nice morning indeed.

it made me remember the mornings we had.
where i would hold your hand and gleefully exclaim how nice it was to be holding you and enjoying the cool morning breeze and serenity.
reminded me of that wang li hong song that always made me go ah..
第一个清晨

as i plugged in my ipod
this song played.

ahh. one of my favourite songs.
for the past week whenever it shuffled to this song, ill skip it.
couldnt bear to hear it.
now as i listen to it.
i feel a sense of sweetness.
this is what true love is i suppose in adam sandler's words.
just growing old with you.

as i hummed the song to myself.

ya this is really how it is.

to grow old with you.



I wanna Grow Old With You

I wanna make you smile
Whenever you're sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All i wanna do, is grow old with you

I'll get you medicine when your tummy aches
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks
So, it could be so nice growing old with you,....

I'll miss you
Kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold
Need you
Feed you
Even let you hold the remote control.

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink
Oh I could be the man that grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you.