i try and try.
i give in my all into this but sometimes it just doesn't seem enough.
i am scared.
Friday, September 14, 2007
Monday, September 10, 2007
my love.
im hopelessly addicted to u.
how a short 1.5 hr with u turned my mood ard.
eating our macdonalds, chatting about the day. looking at u using the laptop, checking ur mail. laughing about weird fan mail. eating all my mcnuggets. drinking coke with a tinge of salt. arm encircling my waist. a peck on the cheek. a slight ruffle of hair. the funny black paint left from yest. warm palms gently rubbing at my arm and laughing at the goose pimples. funny story abt ipods. the slow walk home. hand in hand. the painfully fast lift. the goodbye hug. the goodbye kiss.
how my heart feels like it's filled to the brim with buckets of love and smileys.
and a lingering smile of contentment.
how a short 1.5 hr with u turned my mood ard.
eating our macdonalds, chatting about the day. looking at u using the laptop, checking ur mail. laughing about weird fan mail. eating all my mcnuggets. drinking coke with a tinge of salt. arm encircling my waist. a peck on the cheek. a slight ruffle of hair. the funny black paint left from yest. warm palms gently rubbing at my arm and laughing at the goose pimples. funny story abt ipods. the slow walk home. hand in hand. the painfully fast lift. the goodbye hug. the goodbye kiss.
how my heart feels like it's filled to the brim with buckets of love and smileys.
and a lingering smile of contentment.
sunday night.
its sunday night and like most sunday nights, ive taken to staying home.
many random things on my mind now, like the new pink room in MG, michelle wings singing KTV at MG, doing research for tmr's meeting, what to wear tmr to sch, the taste of siew mai in my mouth, reading up on negotiation, my newly packed desk, and last but not the least the boy.
it seems odd how every day seems a lil odd without seeing him for a while. like a lil sadder. a lil lonelier. esp when i cant get to sleep. aiyah. its prob PMS.
it feels like sometimes when im with u, i instantly transform to a kid. a spoilt one. one that wants her way. one that wants all ur attention. one that i sometimes detest. one that wants u to throw away everything just to come ard and hug me. thou i know eventually the sensible side will surface. but its just insane how a person can change.
ignore me. its the hormones at work.
and about u . i duno what to do. it feels like im a lil torn in two directions. not brave enuff to do the extra step. too cowardly to tell u what i really feel. or isit that i just dont care enough. actually maybe. parts of me just feels like brushing my hands off this whole issue.
and of cos the random surface fake things like, i need a nice new white office shirt, a pair of new slippers.
and attending classes.
jon and chloes called me yest from UK. i miss all my friends, yet truthfully, lately, i have been rather sloth-like when it comes to upkeeping friendships. i duno why. maybe thats what bothering me.
in all truthfulness (i know it sounds weird), its not that i now value my dearest more then any of u treasured friends. ok wait i take that back. sorry but i do value him more. but not like the rest of u arent valued anymore. if any of u ever ever need me, i will really still be there in a jiffy. and i really really still love all of u. not fake. really. but its jsut i have seem to have lost the energy to upkeep and i dunno why. its like if u ask me out i def will go! i just dunno why. i think maybe ive somewhat settled to a comfortable pace of life. and part of me rejects changes that may occur in my comfy routine. maybe?? the boy thinks that hes has somehow affected me with his negativity and i have somehow sometimes seem to have lost my perpetual optimistic spark. i dont know. have i?
im sorry to all my dearest friends. do still know that i love u all.
sorry i know i sound frightfully emo. i think its PMS.
__________________________________________________________________
just something i wanted to blog about someday.
At bugis, theres this little boy whos often seen begging at bugis street. in tattered pyjamas, usually seen on weekends. simon even saw the mom, nicely decked out scolding him. i really felt for the boy. whats a boy his age doing begging at this hr? shldnt he be home nice and warm, doing his hw?
a few weeks later, on a sat night 3 am, we saw him at macdonalds eating alone. he looked at us for a while and lingered at a few tables for a while. i caught his eye for a mere moment. and i saw despair with a sense of loss. but i was embarrassed to help him. even thou i wanted to. he den walked off. i messaged a friend whos studying social work to ask how i cld help him. she said that it would be good to talk to him and find out more so she can find help.
we never saw him for a few weeks.
one day as i was crossing the road, i saw him begging. it was a weekday! and it was late at night. and the wind was chilly. as i walked past him, a little voice inside me told me to talk to him. but something held me back. something called pride i think. or fear. or embarrassment. i did not do it.
as i looked back, i saw two young girls bending down and talking to him. one even had a cigarette in her hand. they looked like the typical ah-lians. the ones that we wld normally scoff at. young punks. yet, they spoke to him. one even patted his head. and they genuinely looked concerned.
i walked away as the green man came on. in sheer guilt. and it has been on my mind ever since.
____________________________________________________________________
many random things on my mind now, like the new pink room in MG, michelle wings singing KTV at MG, doing research for tmr's meeting, what to wear tmr to sch, the taste of siew mai in my mouth, reading up on negotiation, my newly packed desk, and last but not the least the boy.
it seems odd how every day seems a lil odd without seeing him for a while. like a lil sadder. a lil lonelier. esp when i cant get to sleep. aiyah. its prob PMS.
it feels like sometimes when im with u, i instantly transform to a kid. a spoilt one. one that wants her way. one that wants all ur attention. one that i sometimes detest. one that wants u to throw away everything just to come ard and hug me. thou i know eventually the sensible side will surface. but its just insane how a person can change.
ignore me. its the hormones at work.
and about u . i duno what to do. it feels like im a lil torn in two directions. not brave enuff to do the extra step. too cowardly to tell u what i really feel. or isit that i just dont care enough. actually maybe. parts of me just feels like brushing my hands off this whole issue.
and of cos the random surface fake things like, i need a nice new white office shirt, a pair of new slippers.
and attending classes.
jon and chloes called me yest from UK. i miss all my friends, yet truthfully, lately, i have been rather sloth-like when it comes to upkeeping friendships. i duno why. maybe thats what bothering me.
in all truthfulness (i know it sounds weird), its not that i now value my dearest more then any of u treasured friends. ok wait i take that back. sorry but i do value him more. but not like the rest of u arent valued anymore. if any of u ever ever need me, i will really still be there in a jiffy. and i really really still love all of u. not fake. really. but its jsut i have seem to have lost the energy to upkeep and i dunno why. its like if u ask me out i def will go! i just dunno why. i think maybe ive somewhat settled to a comfortable pace of life. and part of me rejects changes that may occur in my comfy routine. maybe?? the boy thinks that hes has somehow affected me with his negativity and i have somehow sometimes seem to have lost my perpetual optimistic spark. i dont know. have i?
im sorry to all my dearest friends. do still know that i love u all.
sorry i know i sound frightfully emo. i think its PMS.
__________________________________________________________________
just something i wanted to blog about someday.
At bugis, theres this little boy whos often seen begging at bugis street. in tattered pyjamas, usually seen on weekends. simon even saw the mom, nicely decked out scolding him. i really felt for the boy. whats a boy his age doing begging at this hr? shldnt he be home nice and warm, doing his hw?
a few weeks later, on a sat night 3 am, we saw him at macdonalds eating alone. he looked at us for a while and lingered at a few tables for a while. i caught his eye for a mere moment. and i saw despair with a sense of loss. but i was embarrassed to help him. even thou i wanted to. he den walked off. i messaged a friend whos studying social work to ask how i cld help him. she said that it would be good to talk to him and find out more so she can find help.
we never saw him for a few weeks.
one day as i was crossing the road, i saw him begging. it was a weekday! and it was late at night. and the wind was chilly. as i walked past him, a little voice inside me told me to talk to him. but something held me back. something called pride i think. or fear. or embarrassment. i did not do it.
as i looked back, i saw two young girls bending down and talking to him. one even had a cigarette in her hand. they looked like the typical ah-lians. the ones that we wld normally scoff at. young punks. yet, they spoke to him. one even patted his head. and they genuinely looked concerned.
i walked away as the green man came on. in sheer guilt. and it has been on my mind ever since.
____________________________________________________________________
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