my aunt's stricken with cancer. and she has been battling it for years. first breast cancer. den she got well. and we were all joyous. den it came back. now its lung and god knows what else. and recently i got to know that the situation doenst seem to be going well. like after all e medication and all.
my aunt has 4 daughters. 4 cousins that i really adore. even when they are bratty. spoilt. screaming at the top of their voices. quarelling over stupid things like who eats the first apple or whatsnot. i love them to bits. and because of their mom and i suspect the medicine she takes causes her alot fo temperamental side effects, they alwiz still end up arguing with her. and my aunt, feisty as she is, still takes to scoldin dem at the top of her voice, when she usually ends up coughing like mad cause she cant catch her breath. everytime that happens my heart aches.
my family aint the kind that issues hugs or words of concern. we are a traditional chinese family that dispenses love n concern in their subtle ways. like ill end up scoldin my aunt and tell her to shuddup caues she has no breath. but we all understand these acts of love. and that day when my other aunt(her elder sis) was telling me bout her condition, even though she din cry, neither did her eyes water, there were changes in her voice as she spoke bout her. like the helplessness involved. we all help out in our own small ways, like taking care of e children etc. but no one seems to be able to help her. shes a strong lady. but her cancer cells arent depleting and any human would be a lil disheartened after such lengthy periods of treatment and u feel ur body weakening. u cant help but sometimes unwittingly take it out on ur kids because mayb thats e only thing thats within ur control. but kids being kids, some still growing, some in the stage of rebellion, some too young to fully understand what mummy is thinking, react in still childish ways. its helpless looking at them. cause i know whats wrong. but i cant help at all. and now for once, it seems like we are all confroneted with the possibilty of her dying. someone so close to us dying. what if she dies. i duno what will happen. i wish i was e one dying. at least i have had e luxury of living my life properly. what bout my cousins. what would they do without their mom which is such a big part of their lives. i think their dad tried to tell dem that their mom might actually die. and it caused my cousins a lot of sorrow i heard. the youngest (pri two) actually cried. u would tink that they might actually just bond n be strong. but the elder sister blamed the dad for making them all so sad. i cant say its any of their fault. i just wish they could be like e storybooks i read. just be a happy family. and yet i cant intrude. i duno how to.
i tink my aunt feels helpless. here u are talkin bout a feisty woman who loves to go out organise things etc. shes such a enthusiastic woman and full of life. it must have taken a large bite out of her physical body. she now has to rest so much more. not go to too many crowded places. and most of all to deal with it emotionally. the disappoinemnt of not getting better. the exasparation of facing her children. facing the possibility of not being able to take care of dem anymore. its jus heartwrenching.
i really wish that God will realy look after my aunt, my uncle and my cousins. i'd give anything for that to happen.
and with so much talk bout my aunt my c0usins. i wonder now how my uncle feels. he has never been really close to us. except for his daughters and wife. he has no one to unleash his troubles to. i hope he has friends. else whereelse can he relieve his stresses?
we talk bout my aunts cancer like a topic at e table, without going deep into the emotional aspect. i guess we are all stoic. its hereditary. i know how life is just likdat. u give some u take some. but i really wish my aunt din have cancer. ill really give anything for e cancer to dsiappear.
i realized that my family is an interesting one. we dun talk much bout our problems. we aint exactly the closely knit type that tells each other bout our personal lifestyles. when we get together we just relax and enjoy each others company. at e end of the day, we know that we cna alwiz go bcak to each other and just enjoy the light hearted company. thats what a family is for right. a sanctuary.
may God bless my aunt. and my cousins. and my uncle. look after them.
and all of u count all ur blessings. and cherish e ones ard u.
thats to all the stupid ppl who complain bout their lives. dun complain anymore. cherish. someone out there is suffering more den u.
i love my family. dun let me die after any of u. the pain's too much to bear.
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