friendships.

yes the oh so independent minsy has her insecure moments. she does.

on one hand, im glad to see that u are having such a great life now. and im serious. no sour grapes at all.

on the other, i have no idea how u can cancel someone off ur life just like that. someone whom you used to spend so much of ur time with.

maybe i was never as impt to u as u were to me.

maybe. nah. not maybe. totally.

maybe the sacrifices i once made for u were all useless.

nah. i take that back. i would have done the same even if i knew the outcome.

it amazes me how hurt i am. why cant i just wave it aside with absolute nonchalance. like acknowledge that u were merely a passing phase in my life. and brush it aside off my shoulder with a flourish. and den skip away. like u.

in actual fact i tot i cld. as long as i filled my life up with other things. other friends. other commitments. i tot i cld just laugh it off. but it turns out i cant.

i guess at e end of the day, i hate being discarded like an unwanted item of the past. mayb once i had my uses. maybe once upon a time we had fun. and maybe now u just foudn someone to take my place. thats sad. cause i dun tink ill find someone to take urs. or maybe i just treasure u too much.

in the past, i could easily answer ppl when they asked bout u. now.. i can only reply with a fake air of non-chalance tt u are bz with this and bz with that. and that i haven seen u in ages too. but everytime i have to say that, my heart lurches for a few seconds. den i stop myself.

i guess im sorry that in more ways then one, i might have caused this to happen. but if everything has to crumble cause of that, i guess, it must have been very weak. but. well. whats e use of buts. its over isnt it.

i guess when a human, being a human, when she puts in her all, expects something of equal back. if not equal, prob sufficient enuff to sustain her. but she cant do that her all her life. she will break. she hates it when she feels lost. out of control of her life, her feelings her emotions.

im sorry once again. for the frienship. and may time heal all the wounds that i have unwittingly slashed.

and dun bother askin me bout it ppl. i aint gonna say. insecurities like these arent meant to be verbally voiced out.