i used to have a problem waking up early.

not anymore.

nowadays i wake up almost immediately at 715 when my alarm rings.

and my brain just fills with thoughts of you.

its like clockwork.

ticktockticktock.

i allow myself a cry. a cry over my broken heart. before i pick myself up at work.


why.

why did u do this to me?

do u even hurt when u did all that?


baby. all i wanted was you. and i will try my best my utmost best to make us work. i'd do anything for us.

but you no longer want us.


as i lay crying my heart out in the bathroom yesterday, i still couldnt bear to delete those messages. you were so sweet, so happy in each of them. so was i. with each message read, it was lik an invisible knife cutting open my heart.

you broke my heart into smithereens.
i dont know how to mend them.

and its scary.
because suddenly happiness seems so far out of reach.

this time.
ill never be mended.