710am. alarm rang.

I didn’t know what to reply.
And I guess for now, its better not to.

Consider this my last present to you.
To do what you had no courage to face.

Under my blankie, in my half awake state.
I read the message again.
And again.
I teared.
Why is it so difficult.
Difficult to hate you.
Why did God have to do this.

Were you with her when you sent that sms?

Did you remember that on Tuesday, it was the 24th.
What are the odds man.
The 24th falling on Tuesdays.

But the odds were not in my favour.

When will the number 24 stop stirring a sick feeling in my tummy?
Just like everything else.


I love flowers.
A single stalk.
Simple.
Sweet.

You never gave me flowers.
Only one time was when lynn gently prodded you to get it at commencement.
You remember?

Don’t let me know if you are giving her any.
Hide it please.
Was i the one who told you it was called baby's breath?
ha.
the irony.

Its not fair.

I don’t know what I did wrong in this whole relationship.
What did i do.


Today’s SITEC.
Last year we went together remember?
During lunch, we braved the SITEC storm and ate Subway and cookies after.
Strange how I remember weird shit like this.

Its my birthday next week.

2 years ago, you gave me 3 presents; each with a different meaning.
I still have everything.
Even the pink paper box it came in.

1 year ago, we were at the Yamaha band competition.
Such a busy day.
I sliced my finger on the blade.
lots of blood.
Rushing here and there.
Surprising me with the mango cake.
(actually I know that you sneaked off to get it.)
Me in sultan’s top hat.
You winning best guitarist.
Watching Bolt.
Getting Bolt.
Bolt and his bunny ears and waggedly tail.
Oh Bolt has the same bday as me. Ha.
Is Bolt still around?
Bunnylove?
I wanna take bunnylove back.
But I don’t think I can bear to separate her and Bolt.
Just like thumper and thumpee.
They will go everywhere together.
Even if you eventually keep them in the storeroom, in the bin.
At least they are together.

This year.
Its just me.
Yes I may have a more exciting birthday this year than the past 2 years.
But birthdays are best spent with the people you really love.
And my wish will not come true this year.

I know I deserve better.
I do.
But I really don’t know how to take my heart back.

If I do get my heart back someday.
I don’t think ill ever ever give it away the same way anymore.

Its too much a risk.

Fall in Love?
Fall down the stairs better.