i dont really know.

weekend has been great. had a great night with my darling girls. had so much fun, albeit in a slacker mood. hahaa. thanks babes.

btw i hate it when pple i dont know visit my blog. if you're wondering hey is she referring to me, likely tendency is yes it has to be you. byebye fuck off.

i really dont know what im feeling.

i just try my bestest best to pack my weekends chock full of activities. so i dont even have time to think.

but this cannot work out for forever.


i think its really a major conflicted confusing position.
and it is unfortunately here to stay.

Are you happier?
sometimes im happy tt you're happier.
sometimes im not.
sometimes i wish you hurt just as much as i do.
do you?
sometimes i just wish you will hurt just as bad. you dont even need the full impact of my pain. just a small part is enough.
sometimes i just wish i could spare you of the pain, just like before.

i dont really know what to think anymore.

but one thing for sure.
you don't leave my mind.

and that sucks.

just like what i said.
up till 3 weeks ago, i was going to marry you.
i dont know how am i suppposed to let it go in a matter of weeks, maybe mths, maybe longer.
how the fuck do you do that?

have no idea.
but theres no instruction manual to go about it.
nothing.
no switch to turn on or turn off.

why dont you tell me how you did it.

does finding someone else to love make it easier?
dont know.
i considered that path.
but it doesnt work.
cause i dont believe in true everlasting love anymore.

it died that day my heart was taken away from me.

so what the hell can i do now.