I feel torn.

i can see you're upset.
and the fucking thing is.
i actually care.
what the fuck right.

and the worse thing is.
its prob about her.

like really.
how silly can u get miss zhang.

how many times how many times you wanna dig you own grave.

sibei gong.

cant you see already.
shes not that into you.

(i think my friends all wanna tell me that too. ha.)

i always thought we were the same sort.
simple.
committed.
you like me, i like you.
tralala.

but of course now i know.
thats just plain stupid la.

i dont know her.
maybe im jumping into conclusions.
maybe she just has her issues.
but really.
shes twirling you ard her lil finger.
she has you under her thumb.

but yet you will painfully devote your heart to her.

or maybe im wrong.
ure like her.
we are different.

which is fucked up.
and the worse thing is
its a crazy vicious cycle.
shes fucked up -> you're more fucked up -> im the most fucked up for even caring.

this world.
will end up full of cracked people.
and no glue strong enough will work its magic.

___


Dear God,

First and foremost. Thank you. Thank you for helping me get through today.

Thank you for sending me friends at this time of need.
Thank you for sending me things to do, stuff to get busy for.

Today, i feel okay. Strong enough to hold on to myself. Strong enough to hold on to the pieces of my heart.

I dont know why. But. Here goes.
Today, i ask for you to help him.
Take good care of him.
Help him get through just like you helped me.


Thank you

Amen.