i have so much to say
but at the same time
nothing to say

people change

you change i change

when i was dishing out relationship advice that day
i realized how ive changed
i had to stop myself
and i told the dear girl
i cant give u any advice
all my advice would be biased
based on my failed relationship
i wont ask you to work hard anymore
becuase i dont believe in working hard anymore
i wont ask you to believe in true love anymore
cause i dont believe in true love anymore
i wont even ask you to love someone else so much anymore
cause thats like preparing urself for doom.

and life feels a lil gloomier when you don believe in true love anymore

as i look myself in the mirror everyday
i see the slightly sunken cheeks
the sallow skin
i see the smile the dimple when i put on my blush
you used to say how you like my smile
how my smile can take away all troubles.

I guess the pain has more or less numbed
nowadays when i read things
it still makes me sad
but the sadness is the kind that kinda just hangs around
it doesnt kill me
but it lingers around
a constant reminder

i guess i just dont get it
and i feel angry
but sue said you dont have to

it really sucks the most
when you are willing to work so hard for her
when she doesnt even have to lift a finger
why cant you fight for me
for us

and its worse cause even with that
im not angry with you
im angry for you

its like our roles are reversed
i would do the same for you
and you are doing the same for her

a friend says
the truth sucks
but its his choice
a choice he has decided to stubbornly stick through
even at the expense of destroying his life
so you have to accept it

i cant.

i cant.
i cant watch you drive urself off the cliff
knowing i wont be there to catch you.


sue says
thats what ppl do when they lose something impt to them
they try and get replacements
they think that every other person they meet
they can make it work as long as they try
they think they can have as meaningful relationships as the one they lost
they think that it can be replaced
just like that
so they try and make smthg tts not what it is, into smthg its not

so let him do it
tts why he can be like tt
cos he believes he can get this meaningful, better relationship

so i was nothing?

No
but you tried so hard
you worked at it
and it was easy for him in the sense, it was already meaningful

i mean for guys, a relationship provides emotional meaning for them
once they dont have a girl in their life
they start looking for meaning
He lost you
so he's trying to recreate this meaning
with her
obviously, its not very successful

all that made so much sense
its making me cry


everyone says
let him do it
he has to
only after he has done it
lost it
saw the true meaning of it all
den he will realize
and he will cherish

its a lesson he has to learn

somedays i hate you
i wish that everyone will hate you too
but most of the time
i wish that you will smile
that smile
that i miss
and i wish that all ur friends will support you
listen to you
even if its ur rants about her
i wish they could help you
even if its helping you and her
i wish ur parents will take care of you
buy you ur meals
iron ur clothes for you
its a confusing state of mind

where i dont want you happy
but i cant bear to see you sad

your favourite pair of hands
will no longer be the small stumpy ones of mine
but those of hers with weird fingers

and that hurts

someday
when looking at thumper and thumpee doesnt hurt
when walking past xin wang doesnt hurt
when walking past flesh imp doesnt hurt
and so many more.

i miss you.
i hate you.

But Dear God
Please help him ok.
i dont have a solution
so i wont ask for one.
But help him.

and help me too.