so its christmas.
merry christmas all.

am not really feeling the xmas cheer this morning.
maybe its the lack of sleep.

it shld get better..

i so wanna watch the chipmunks.


somebody asked me.
why the hell do u wanna go to DF for.
u must be nuts.

lets just say..
i have concluded.
theres nothing i can do.
at times i hate him.
at times i stil feel hurt.
but one thing is never changing.
and i dont know how to change it.
i can hide now
but i cant hide forever.
so i have to learn how to handle my emotions.
even if it means seeing things i dont wanna see
stirring up emotions i dont wanna feel.
feeling those feelings of loss that are so hard to handle
so close. yet so far.
i have to face them all.
with a smiling face.

feels a lil suicidal.

so many yes no moments.
like i should.
nah i shouldnt. things are not the same anymore.
i should.
nah i shouldnt.

yesterday.
two songs were sung in succession.
the first one..
tears were already welling up.
the second one..
omg. one of my favourite songs in the recent mths.
i knew the intro. every single word.
i knew the floodgates will open.
a tear rolled down my cheek. two.
wiped it away.
charlene patted my shoulder gently.
ARGH! i cannot be consoled when im holding back tears!

when X came by and sang a huge part of the song looking into charlene's eyes.
my heart cringed.
i felt like an intruder.
intruding on to their private space.
and how i wish.
but wishes wont come true.


紧紧相依的心如何Say goodbye
你比我清楚还要我说明白
爱太深会让人疯狂的勇敢
我用背叛自己
完成你的期盼

把手放开不问一句
Say goodbye
当作最後一次对你的溺爱
冷冷清清淡淡今後都不管
只要你能愉快


i really dont know whether what im doing is right.
i really dont.
it feels like treading on floating pebbles while crossing a river.
not knowing which pebble will sink or support you.
but still bravely (recklessly?) stepping on.


this christmas
will be a memorable one.
but for the wrong reasons me thinks.

i guess.
one of the most bittersweet things in life would be like this.
unrequited love.
ah. it hurt to say that out loud.

maybe.
some love.
some emotions.
maybe are just meant to be like that.
kept in a lil crevice of ur heart.


as long as you're happy.

good night.
i hope you have a nice long sleep. i do.
sweet dreams.

"You can ask your eyes not to see. Even maybe control your mind not to think. But you can't control your heart, and ask it not to feel."




突然发现站了好久 不知道要往哪走
还不想回家的我 再多人陪只会更寂寞

许多话题关于我 就连我也有听过
我的快乐要被认可 委屈却没有人诉说

夜把心洋葱般剥落
拿掉防卫剩下什么
为什么脆弱时候 想你更多

如果你也听说 有没有想过我
像普通旧朋友 还是你依然会心疼我

好多好多的话想对你说 悬着一颗心没着落
要怎么附和 舍不得又无可奈何

如果你也听说 会不会相信我
对流言会附和 还是你知道我还是我

跌跌撞撞才明白了许多
懂我的人就你一个
想到你想起我 胸口依然温柔

如果你想起我
你会想到什么