happiness defined.

u see.

everything still reminds me of you.

yesterday's short trip to anchorpoint/queensway.
no good. no good at all.
i didnt realize anchorpoint was where we had lunch before with xiang at secret recipe.
i even remember the star shaped hashbrows that we took a picture of.
the one that was v cute. like the hashbrow was trying to escape out from the basket.

den queensway.
ah.
we never made it there.
now we will never make it there.
every single top/vest i saw. i could almost imagine myself telling you, "you'll look good in this! let get it"
the shoes too.
but it will not happen anymore.

u see.
for a long while every single fucking thing will remind me of you.
even supper at spize.
even eating maggi goreng.
drinking ice mountain.
looking at bunnies at petshops.

last night was great.
i drank so much it wasnt funny.
many shots, many cups, that shared lambo (waterfall?), and duno how many jaeegerbombs.
but not bad. i was still standing.
albeit in a wobbly manner.

as the music was pumping around us.
drinks were shared freely.
heated bodies pressing together.
amidst the drinking dancing laughter and happy posing for photos,
i suddenly thought of you.
for these few hours
under the heady influence of alcohol
i was actually decently happy.
but the happiness was a weird sort.
it wasnt the kind of happiness that warms your heart like bright and sunny mornings.
it was the kind of happiness that someone kinda pours a happy potion into you
and automatically you're transported to a land of happiness.
glassy eyed and all.
are u this way every night?

when i got home. i felt like shit.
total shit.
i slept on the sofa for 1 hour before forcing myself to stumble my way to the toilet to wash up.
as the world spun around me
water ran down my face
i puked out my maggi goreng
i thought of you.

so hey this is how you feel when you drink too much.
when the world spins uncontrollably
the stuff in ur stomach just feels conflicted whether to stay in there or come out
ur limbs feel like they are detached from your body
and all you wanna do is to curl up and sleep

its still you.
you again.
it would have been nice to have someone taking care of me.

but that will no longer happen.
so allow me my moment of weakness to mourn the death of that.