Today on the train
after my millionth shopping trip for my cousin's prom
i saw my first boyfriend. ivan. haha.

he looked quite good.
nice jeans. nice shirt. nice shoes.

i wanted to go over and say hi.

and then i paused.
if i go over. he will ask me hows life.
and then ill say ok.
den he will ask me about you.
den i wont know what to say.

so i didnt go over.

i wondered.
see how we are friends now.
decent ones at least.

we have had our moments.
just like how i was still hung up over him up till JC.
even in J2 i think, there was a itsy bitsy chance of us getting back tog.
but i gave it up. cause i didnt want to be the reason between them.

maybe.
just maybe.
maybe just like ivan.
we were meant to be friends.
like the lil necklace u gave me during my birthday.
the one that came with a black guitar and a pink pick.
i have the "Best" side. You have the "Friends" side.
You told me besides being the best lover to me, you wanted to be my best friend.
these days, on days when i feel like i need a lil help a lil courage a lil bit of you to carry on, i sling it around my wrist.
and hold it close.

maybe just maybe.
we were just meant to be best friends.

but.
i may have lost my first best friend in this world.
have i.