人都是下贱的

its raining.

i have this new favourite song.

its. the best.
love the jam hsiao version.
but this duet version works well too.

i imagine it will be the nicest enjoyed in a black dark room.
with only dim lights.
big ikea cushions.
huge quilts.




Hey～我真的好想你
现在窗外面又开始下着雨
眼睛干干的 有想哭的心情
不知道你现在到底在哪里

Hey～我真的好想你
太多的情绪 没适当的表情
最想说的话 我该从何说起
你是否也像我一样在想你

如果没有你 没有过去
我不会有伤心
但是有如果还是要爱你

如果没有你 我在哪里
又有什么可惜 反正一切来不及
反正没了自己

Hey～我真的好想你
不知道你现在到底在哪里

你是否像我一样在想你


its a strange uncanny feeling.
and a immensely hurtful feeling.
when i know
what i feel for you
is what you feel for her.
when you say i take the words out of your mouth
yet im not the recepient of these emotions

its actually quite the bullshit.
and extremely unfair.

its really unfair.

because she didnt do a single thing that deserves anything.

whereas i did everything.
everything i could.
even more than what i could.

i never understood the logic of fishing.
playing hard to get,
i was always a blank piece of paper.
my emotions clearly written.
feelings clearly written.

thing is.
you too,

but u liked being fished.

its really true.
nice people always finish last.
i have always prided myself on being nice.
i love being nice
but now i know.
its not always the best.
the only only person that loses out eventually is me.

and irony is.
because i was nice.

you are so sorry towards her.
so bloody sorry.

it seems sometimes
you are more sorry towards her than me.

what the hell are u sorry for!
for being tortured.
like sorry.
i cant be tortured anymore.

what kind of fucked up bullshit is that.
really.
what kind.

sue was right.
i made the relationship so meaningful.
it seemed like it was enough.
whereas because she treated you like crap.
you found the need to make it better. make it work.
and thats unfair.

you may never ever accept it.
but its something i have to accept.
and swallow.

i think.
if she never came along.
we would have always have tried to work things out.

and we would.

but because of her.
you gave us up.
you decided to try fucking mother hard with her.

and thats the scary part.

you're right.
im good for you.
but you're not too good for me.

but love.
is not rational.
not something you can weight the pros and cons.
cause if you did.
you would have loved me forever.

and i wont be loving you still.


its been an eventful night.
in many ways more than one.
and sometimes.
it hurts to see a friend you love walking in ur footsteps
but because shes walking in ur footsteps
you know
theres no way you can stop her
and inside.
you are super afraid
afraid that she will end up like you.

allow her to walk it?

stop her? but thats not fair!

dont stop her? den what if..?

so confusing.
and such a conflicted role to play .