Everyday its a different emotion.
Sometimes every hour.

scary aint it?

i needa be strong. i need to make through this.


my friend told me about this story.
about this couple.
the guy told the girl.
you are the one.
the one for me.
but
im still young
i wanna play the field.
i promise you
let me play ard for 2 years
ill come back to you
and marry you.
cause you are the one.

its like super wtf!!!

but some girls
are silly and stupid enough to take that option.
okay ill wait.


now.
i feel okay.
just okay.
i feel like maybe i can take on the world.

i feel like someday if i see you / her
i can look you in the eye
and scoff at you.

sometimes i feel not too okay.
despite all the problems, differences we had
i always felt that you were the one.
even when you told kenny then that you ideally wanted to get married at 35.
i rem kenny was like are u sure not bro. u want minsi to wait that long?
and at that moment
i realized i actually didnt mind getting married whenever.
as long as i was with you.

but i am no longer the one.
its freaky.
and yes im avoiding
inside me im avoiding this bitter hard truth.

thats why i remind myself everyday.
not to be the silly girl.

on my nano that day.
原谅我 came on.
despite that being one of ur hit songs
i only heard you sing it once.
at ff.

i remind myself on a daily basis to hate you.
but sue said
you dont have to hate him to move on.
but how?
its the only mthd.

how did you move on
how did you stop loving
when u broke up with ur first one
u got together with the one in between.
which was a mistake.
den it was me.
now that we are done
you found one too.

does it work this way?

so was i a mistake as well?

a mistake that lasted for way too long.
a mistake that had way too much invested.

if i was a mistake.
why didnt u tell me earlier.

it wasnt just the money invested.
it wasnt just the time invested.
all that.
i could lose.

it was the feelings and love invested.

once bitten twice shy.

now what invades ur mind
is only her.
how to make her happy
how to make her smile
how to not make her angry
how to get her
how to please her

so my dear silly girl.
stop worrying about him.
save ur prayers for urself
for other people
for world peace
not for him.

a while back
i posted this song
called 想太多
i saw the MTV proper on friday
blonde asked
what is this mtv about! so ridiculous
i told her.
ya man its ridiculous
its about how this girl loves this bastard
but theres a nice boy who loves the girl too
but this girl still likes the bastard.
ridiculous to the max.
but maybe life IS like that.

nice people always finish last.