the sms that sits in my draft inbox.

"Today i want to ask you. Why. Why. Why Why Why Why. You either love me or you don't. Theres no grey area. Its black or white. If you love me, do something about it. If you don't, Stop telling me things that make me think you do. I'm hurt both ways. The hurt. is inexplicable. If you love me, dont think you're edward cullen. Just fucking love me. If you dont den just dont. Throw me away. All of me. Dont leave bits of me around. Dont leave bits of me to remember. Dont break my resilence to hate you. Cause ive just mustered enough courage to do so. Dont crumble it all. i dont have a Jacob to make it easier, better. Not like you. I only have me, and my sheer determination."

i typed it out when the girls went to the toilet.
i just needed to get it out.
but
i didnt want to send it.

i dont know why.
but.
i didnt.