missing somebody

its been a long while since we spoke.
think one of the things i miss the most is talking to you.
when i see something funny
when something makes me angry
when i see something tt makes me cry
i realized i have nobody to drop a random sms to anymore.

dinner at grannys today was funny.
had homemade popiah.
where everyone wraps their own popiahs.
fun.
i had 2.
and more vege.
full to the maxxx.

my uncle bought some really old photos from the aljunied house
when my dad was in secondary school.
when a photo of my aunts was passed around.
it had all of aunts in it.
in their teenage years.
as my littlelest cousin stared at it.
i saw her eye well up with tears.
which she tried to mask.
ha.
such a family trait.
stoic.

i realized.
she.
may never ever get over her mom.

who does?

and i asked myself
what can i do?
nothing.

ah.
the sense of helplessness once again washed over me.

hate feeling helpless.

like fuck.
theres nothing i can do?
what nothing???
so i just stand here
and watch everything pass me by.
fucked up.
just like right now.

do you know what it is like to miss someone
someone far from ur reach
someone whos constantly at the back of ur mind
who pricks ur lil heart
and makes tears come to ur eyes
someone who makes you smile too
when a sweet memory comes a knocking.

i wish her peace.
and happier thoughts.
i wish tt when she sees her mom again.
she wont cry
but she will smile at those sweet memories

one doesnt practise what she preaches.
i wish myself that too.

its not the same.
but maybe.
ill never get over the feelings of missing you too.