The pouring rain.

its been a while since i got caught in the pouring rain.

as my shoes got wet, my leggings got soaked.
i felt this urge to just dance in the rain with reckless abandon.
a devil may care attitude.
fuck you if you think im weird.
fuck off.

but i didnt.

i felt this sudden want to just huddle myself in a corner
and
crying.

with the rain falling.

i wanted to be saved.


a colleague who found out i had broken up just yesterday said,
i couldnt tell at all. no wonder you lost so much weight. you're damn strong.
i said.
no im not.
she said.
but this 3 mths. all i see is you looking prettier. laughing louder. smiling more. i really couldnt tell. you are so strong.
i laughed it off. and told her im much better now.

what i didnt say was,
Its easier when you have to put up a front. like there's a reason for you to put up a front. so you dont allow urself to crumble. u live behind this front you put up. this front with nice clothes, nice hair, makeup and lots of laughter.

and somehow inside
you hope to believe that this front may actually be true.
and the broken up you will just disappear.