Dear God,

I wanted to pray to you today about me about 15 min ago.

But not anymore.
Today if i had one wish, ill give it to my dear sweetheart lily.

Please take care of her mom.
take away her pain.
give her the courage.
give her the faith.
let her know that there's hope.

Give her loved ones the hope and strength to perserve.
It's a daunting task.
but im sure they can.
especially if you help them out.

Please help them out today.
Give them a glimmer of hope to carry on.
Ill be fine.
I'll hang on myself for a while.

Amen
_____________

When er gugu passed on, the nurses said they often heard her crying herself to sleep.
now this will forever be a major regret of my life.
one that ill never let go.
one that ill blame myself for for my whole life.
but i deserve it.
its one of the biggest mistakes i have made.
and i deserve to be punished for it.
for not trying hard enough.

its the same reason why i fell in love.
because i didn want any regrets in my life.
i put aside my fears and let you in.
its the same reason why i tried so hard.
because i never want to regret not trying my best.

irony.